I’m terribly lonely and looking for an HIV-positive man for companionship

Hi Kitoto,

I always read your column.

I am a single mother of a 12-year-old boy as a result of being in a discordant relationship (where one partner is HIV-positive while the other is not). I have been single since my early twenties and now that I am 35, I feel I should get someone like me.

I have tried relationships but failed due to my health status, and as a result I am nursing an emotional wound.

Kindly help me find a partner of the same status my age or older. I am tired of being single. 

Hi,

Thank you for being a loyal reader. We are delighted when we hear of the support this column gives people and change it has helped many achieve.

I am sorry that the relationship with your boyfriend did not work out. Relationships in general are both tough and demanding. Those involved must show willingness and patience to make it work. Although I do not know what made things not work for you, congratulations are in order for raising your 12-year-old son.

What I can deduce from your e-mail is that being positive has not been easy for you. I trust that you will continue to gain strength as you experience healing. Continue taking your medication consistently and live a disciplined life. At this point in time I feel your son will need you much more as you help him navigate his teenage years. I pray that you will ensure that your priorities are in the right order.

POSITIVE OUTLOOK

It seems that having a man in your life is important to you, but I pray that you will look at this need in a broad sense that considers all you still need to attend to, including your son. I have discovered from my many years of counselling that getting married is not the answer to loneliness, fear, anxiety, satisfaction, and intimacy issues.

We need to realise that other people do not complete us. However, remaining focused and giving your time to support others who might need support might just be what you need as you wait for your love.

I would encourage you  to take heart. Indeed, some days might be worse than others, but the fact is that you are here today. That is something worth celebrating. Be forward looking, grateful for all you have been through as you celebrate the victories and choose to be happy instead of downcast.

Such an attitude will not come automatically. You have to cultivate and nurture it. Happy people have a way of creating a life of happiness and self-fulfillment.

Now this is where connecting you to someone might be difficult. Love that leads to marriage takes two people. If I were to find someone who you could grow to love enough to marry and then things failed to work out, say the person ended up having been a fake all along, then what?

This is why I as an individual, and this column, would rather  commit to helping you with principles that you need as you seek a companion. What you are asking of me is outside of the mandate of this column.

However, when we start a “hanging out” time together with those who desire to mingle under certain clear rules, for instance, then that will be totally different. For now, I pray for you and wish you the best as you raise your son and wait for the right man.