I was shocked to discover that my girl has two kids 

I took my mum to her place, only to discover that she has two children, aged 13 and nine years. I am so stressed out I don’t know what to do. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • I took my mum to her place, only to discover that she has two children, aged 13 and nine years. I am so stressed out I don’t know what to do.
  • Do not define her by her past failures. Maturity might require that you sit down together so that you can tell her about your feelings regarding her lack of disclosure. If she is sincerely remorseful, I believe that child deserves a dad.

Hi,

I am 29 and single. I met this woman at my workplace. We fell in love and she was good to me.

I loved her and after a year together, she got pregnant. I took my mum to her place, only to discover that she has two children, aged 13 and nine years. I am so stressed out I don’t know what to do.

What would you advise me to do? 

 

Hi,

Disclosure is key in any relationship and marriage. It seems like your problem started when you were dating. It might be unfair to judge her now, particularly if you did not take the initiative to know more about her in the beginning.

I have discovered that many people in relationships only disclose what they are asked. Their driving motive could be fear, uncertainty, or just plain deceit.

I believe that failure is not the end. As much as you did not know about the children, my hope would have been “disappointment turned to celebration”.

Whether yours or not, if you truly love her, then that love should be seen in how you process and finally handle this situation.

Do not define her by her past failures. Maturity might require that you sit down together so that you can tell her about your feelings regarding her lack of disclosure. If she is sincerely remorseful, I believe that child deserves a dad.

What you should not do is to judge her and make her relive her past pain.

However, if you are unhappy, think about how many mistakes we make in life  yet others give us a second chance.