My girlfriend is still seeing her ex

I recently discovered that she is still seeing her former boyfriend, who is 10 years older than her. When I confronted her, she denied there was something between them. Later I found out that the two still communicate and that he even sends her money and they are planning to go on holiday together. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • I suspect that she is with him because of money. They have even been on two holidays together while we were still dating. When I confronted her.
  • She denied there was something between them, explaining that the relationship is purely business, that he was helping her understand business.

Dear pastor Kitoto,

I have been in a relationship with a 21-year-old for the last one year. The problem is that I recently discovered that she is still seeing her former boyfriend, who is 10 years older than her. I am two years older than her.

I suspect that she is with him because of money. They have even been on two holidays together while we were still dating. When I confronted her, she denied there was something between them, explaining that the relationship is purely business, that he was helping her understand business.

I told her to choose between me and him, and she chose me. Later, I found out that the two still communicate and that he even sends her money and they are planning to go on holiday together. When I told her I was leaving her, she started crying uncontrollably, accusing me of wanting to abandon and reject her.

I am afraid of what will happen when I leave her, yet I am frustrated and emotionally drained.

There is also the fact that I still love her.

Hi there,

I have said in this column before that to have a fulfilling relationship, one needs to have relational and emotional intelligence. It is also a fact that many confuse being in love and having a crush. A crush is a temporary feeling of infatuation, while love is founded on commitment, sacrifice and trust.

I don’t think the two of you are in love. Also, you may be looking for what she is not ready to give you.

To get the answers you are looking for, you need to know what you are looking for in a relationship that will satisfy you, and the kind of qualities you are looking for in a girlfriend. It is clear that you have seen traits in your girlfriend that you don’t like, such as lying and unfaithfulness.

I can also tell you for free that you will never be happy in a relationship characterised by spying, fear, threats, or intimidation. Love does not threaten or intimidate.

The final question you should ask yourself is whether there is anything in this relationship that is worth making sacrifices for.