My wife is reluctant to have another child

My wife and I have one child, who is five. Unfortunately, she has been reluctant to get another child, saying that she is waiting to see whether our marriage will last. I am so frustrated; should I go ahead and get a child outside my marriage? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • You somehow feel that you deserve to have another child, whether your wife wants one now or not. Being demanding will not yield positive results. For this to be a positive experience for both of you, your wife needs to be ready and willing to go down this path.
  • The decision to get pregnant comes with many considerations, so this is a responsibility she should be ready to carry. I feel that your wife needs her morale and confidence to be boosted by you – what she needs is your affirmation. You have to show and prove to her that you are in this marriage to stay.

Dear Pastor Kitoto,

I have been married for seven years now. My wife and I have one child, who is five.

Unfortunately, she has been reluctant to get another child, saying that she is waiting to see whether our marriage will last. I know that she is being influenced by my in-laws, who were opposed to our marriage because I come from a different county.

I am so frustrated; should I go ahead and get a child outside my marriage? I am at a point in my life where I need to concentrate on bringing up my children, having gotten the number of children I want.

Mark

 

Hello Mark,

Just like a relationship is held afloat by mutual trust and understanding, marriage and the number of children to have is a decision that a husband and wife must agree on.

For your case, I think that there are two issues at play: First, your wife feels insecure. You need to find out why she feels this way after seven years of marriage. Are there some issues going on that are causing her to lose faith in you?

Second, you somehow feel that you deserve to have another child, whether your wife wants one now or not. Being demanding will not yield positive results. For this to be a positive experience for both of you, your wife needs to be ready and willing to go down this path.

The decision to get pregnant comes with many considerations, so this is a responsibility she should be ready to carry. I feel that your wife needs her morale and confidence to be boosted by you – what she needs is your affirmation. You have to show and prove to her that you are in this marriage to stay.

Having said that, I fail to understand why you think having a child outside marriage is the solution to the dissatisfaction you feel.

If anything, it will prove to your wife that you are not committed to your marriage and will drive your wife away besides heaping you with an added responsibility of taking care of two homes. If you feel aggrieved by her decision, don’t pour fuel into the fire.

I suggest that you count your blessings before you make a decision that you might end up regretting for the rest of your life.