I’m looking for a sincere woman, help me find her

Monday January 25 2016

Whenever I date or go out with a woman, she demands something from me and when she is satisfied, she leaves. PHOTO | FILE

Whenever I date or go out with a woman, she demands something from me and when she is satisfied, she leaves. PHOTO | FILE 

By PHILIP KITOTO
More by this Author

Dear Kitoto,

I’m a regular reader of your column. I have been trying to find the woman of my dreams but it seems she is nowhere to be found. The reason is that, whenever I date or go out with a woman, she demands something from me and when she is satisfied, she leaves.

I believe in love and am still looking for such a woman because I know she is out there.

Kindly advise.

Hi,

Thank you for being an ardent reader of this column. The fact that you have dated several women tells me that they find you approachable. This alone is worth celebrating. However, having lost as many women as you have dated is cause for concern. I do not know what the women you dated demanded from you.

However, love is not about the demands we place on other but rather, the sacrifices we are willing to make for the one we love. Remember that love is kind, long-suffering, and patient. So, if the women you dated made demands and later left, then:

1) they just wanted you for their short-term benefits. This is not love.

2) They started a relationship with  you but  later  discovered that you were not the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.

In relationships, finding the right person to marry and being the right person to be married are equally important. It is pointless trying to find the right person when you are still stuck to your old selfish ways. Changing yourself and ensuring that you are marriageable should be your goal. Successful couples recognise that the only person you can change is yourself.

Knowing this will help you review honestly the demands that were placed on you and your reactions to the same; review whether there is a pattern to what these past relationships demanded from you. What is it that you need to change to be the kind of man who will practise true self-acceptance  and also accept others.

In addition, it is normal to shy away from responsibility, especially when it is easier to blame the failure to another person. In your case, I really do not see you taking any responsibility for the choices you made. Instead, you find your  former girlfriends easy targets to blame.

In relationships, it does take two to tango. The beauty in any relationship is that we are willing to take responsibility to make the necessary changes. When you change the way you relate, you are concretely changing the disposition of the relationship. And in the end, this will work in your favour.