Since dad died mum has become promiscuous, and it is killing me

I’m a Christian teenager in Form One. My father died when I was in Standard Six.

I live with my mum, who is openly promiscuous. It is hurting me a lot, although I think she is doing it to enable her to support me. I loved my dad very much and I am hurting because I feel mum has betrayed him.

I feel like running away from school to stop her.

Please advise me.

Hi,

No one is ever ready for the sudden death of one or both parents or siblings. I am truly sorry about the loss of your dad. Death is cruel, it robs us of the people we love most. However, there is nothing anyone can do about it. The loss of a parent, spouse, child, or sibling are the most common forms of bereavement that hurt deeply. The death of a parent is extremely difficult to bear, particularly if one had a good relationship with them. Your father’s death left a vacuum and a feeling of vulnerability and loss in you. I am not sure what this loss means for you and your mother. For some people, such a  loss might involve loss of a home, a best friend, a link with the extended family, or of associated relationships. It is important to grieve through this, but be aware  that grieving takes time. Note that the relationships that existed before your father died could have affected the way each of you is grieving.

You also need to know that your mum is still your mum, regardless. Your dilemma is how to confront her about the way she is  living. I suggest that you not let resentment overwhelm you and destroy your relationship with her. Running away is not the solution feel. As a student in Form One, you are old enough to talk to your her about certain things. First, let her know how you feel about the loss of your dad and the responsibilities it has placed on her.

Second, tell her you appreciate the efforts she is making to care for you. Let her know that it pains you to see her suffering without your dad around. As a Christian, take time to pray for her, and with her.

Your mother has a right to live the kind of life she wants. The reasons that have driven  her to this kind of lifestyle might be hard to understand. I believe she thinks she is doing her best for both of you. Instead of condemning her, take time to be the son she wants.

In addition, look for an older aunt or uncle whom you can confide in to speak to her about the way feel about her lifestyle. The transition from being a wife to a widow, or from being a husband to a widower, is both real, painful, and a personal experience. It is traumatic trying to adjust to this new identity while still having to deal with the multitude of urgent questions, needs and decisions that call for attention. Here are some things to ponder:

•  You might experience a range of emotions

•  Try to overcome your grief and resentment

•  Reflect on God’s love for you

•  Seek courage to take action regarding your fears

•  Avoid stress; it can cause havoc with your faith and health.

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There is unhappiness and discord where there should be love and joy. We have put together a diverse team of experts, family and marriage counsellors, led by Mr Philip Kitoto, to help heal the family by offering advice and support.

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