Ten relationships later, I am still unable to find love, please help me

Hello pastor Kitoto,

I am a 30-year-old frustrated man. I have tried to find love but have been unable to. Women just cannot be trusted.

I find that I am gradually losing interest in them, thanks to the many break ups that have left me heart broken.

So far, I have been in and out of over 10 relationships, the last did not even take off because I have lost faith and I am too wounded to try another one. Is the problem with me or the women I have been dating?

Please help me.

Hi there,

I really appreciate your honesty. Relationships are not as easy as many think. As much as we are able to have a lot of fun  in a relationship, there are many instances where we are met with pain that leaves us devastated and confused. It is almost as if a tsunami hit us.

Are you the one to blame for your unproductive relationships or is it the women you fall for? I cannot answer this question unless I get more from you. I will however try to help you see things clearer though:

First, you appear really wounded and confused by the relationships you have been through. To begin with, you need to pin point what triggered the break ups.

Start by examining how you have related to the women in your past. Have you heard them complain about anything? Perhaps things you should be doing but do not? Or behaviour that is off-putting? It is important that you make this evaluation before you embark on another relationship or conclude that there is no trustworthy woman. 

Break-ups can be tough. How we deal with them is key to how we heal and view future relationships. Past wounds can make us bitter and suspicious and hence prevent us from seeing the gems in future relationships. This could be why you have have been unable to get at at least one promising relationship – 10 relationships within a short period are a bit too many.