KITOTO: Where are today's marriages headed?

In recent times, I’ve noticed with great regret that the marriages in our society are failing miserably. I don’t know where we are going wrong as a nation but my heart burns deeply with sadness at the current trend. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • The cry of many sleepless, depressed women of Kenya has to come to an end. The God who shakes and restores the nations of the world, is doing so in our Nation. I pray for the mighty men of Kenya to Arise.
  • Indeed the institution of marriage and family is under attack. However, in the midst of the bad stories of failed and compromised marriages, we have quite a number that are successful.

Dear Kitoto,

In recent times, I’ve noticed with great regret that the marriages in our society are failing miserably.

I don’t know where we are going wrong as a nation but my heart burns deeply with sadness at the current trend.

The men in our lives don’t know how to take up responsibility. They live a life of their own and to me this hurts me beyond tears. The children end up being raised by single mothers who do everything, including being a father in place of the absentee dad.

The cry of many sleepless, depressed women of Kenya has to come to an end. The God who shakes and restores the nations of the world, is doing so in our Nation. I pray for the mighty men of Kenya to Arise.

 

RuthAnn

 

Hi,

Indeed the institution of marriage and family is under attack. However, in the midst of the bad stories of failed and compromised marriages, we have quite a number that are successful.

All in all, a lot needs to be done to grow and bring back the glory God intended to see in marriage. Like the old evangelist called John the Baptist, we need to hear the voices that will cry from the wilderness. Voices that will speak back reason and value-based living in families. I believe it is not too late but, no one can guarantee that things will get better.

Today’s decline in the roles and performance of both men and women in marriage has been the result of many factors. First, is the selfishness that resides in each of us. We live in a world where people have become more selfish than ever.

We pretend to know it all. The result has placed a strain on the relationship because no one wants to serve.

Selfishness is pride. Marriage is a ‘we’ affair where the needs and concerns of your partner come above your own and vice-versa.

When we become individualistic, we miss out on building a strong union with our partner. And since life revolves around yourself, you end up having no time for their partner.

CLUELESS MEN

Second, the breakdown in the social fabric has brought with it the lack of mentors, commitment to accountable relationships, and the building up of collective responsibility.

With the migration to cities and the lack of elders to teach and instil values, most families have been left to the mercy of a fast world with increased stress levels. These are the stresses that are the cause of many family upheavals.

Third, work schedules have pulled one or both parents from their children for long periods of time thereby denying them the kind of parenting that is needed.

As a result, this has produced ‘half baked’ husbands and wives. People are indulging in extra-marital sex and getting married to early.

Fourth, lack of training and mentoring on issues of marriage. Just like any role performed in an institution, many young men and women no need to sit under someone who could coach them on issues of marriage.

The TV, peers, and other forms of social media have become the teachers on marriage.

A good number of men enter marriage with no clue that marriage requires leadership. They end up messing up mess because they lack the vital principles in conflict management or financial stewardship.

While some men are laid back or passive, others appear too controlling, and in other situations others are absent. This leaves the marriage exposed and vulnerable to attacks.

Men who make a difference must be learners, be present, love sacrificially, offer bold servant hood leadership. Such men know what it takes to lead and offer the family an environment of growth.

On the other hand, there are also  many women who fall short. They are manipulative and unwilling to compromise. Consequently, where such women exist, it causes their men to retreat or fight back. The best way is to see marriage as a win-win.