I would marry this man but he is not born again

Dear Kitoto,

I am a 22 years old and dating a man who is ten years older. However, I am not committed to him. His family members like me and my family also likes him.

My brother, who is the only one who is aware of his intentions, keeps prodding me to get married to the guy.

Truth be told, he is a nice man, but, of course, he has his flaws just like any other human being. I know his love for me is genuine and that I can be happy with him; however, there’s an issue about him that bugs me and it is the main reason why I’ve never committed to him —  he’s not born again.

He has a deep reverence for God that can easily make one think he is born again but he is not and he does not hide that. Generally, he is honest and trustworthy.

I do wish that he can surrender his life to the Lordship of Jesus, not so as to win me over, but to build his own relationship with God and secure his place of eternity.

I respect the fact that he says he doesn’t want to get saved unwillingly and in return mock God. He says he will get saved when the time is right. (I don’t know whether there’s really a right time.)

He says he wants to meet my parents and make his intentions clear, but I’m unsure about all that especially since my father is a pastor.

I promised my father that when the right’ guy came along, I would introduce them to him so as to get his blessing before I committing myself to a relationship.

I am not sure of what to do with this man, and therefore not quite certain that I should let him meet my parents. Above all else, I never want to fail God. Please, counsel me as you would your daughter. Help me see logic where I ought to.

Judith.

Hi,

Values play a major role in any relationship. You have to ask yourself: “What am I willing to sacrifice and why, for this relationship? What will the cost of this sacrifice be? Let me walk with you through three options you have before you.

• Option 1: Yes, Get married to him! When you do, what do you have to lose. First, you seem to have a great conviction of making God unhappy and therefore yourself. However, There are countless ‘non-believers’ (not saved) that have married saved partners and are doing very well. There are many others who regret the move.  The worst thing to happen as I see it is you breaking God’s heart.

• Option 2: No, don’t marry him! The worst is that you will miss out on this nice, caring and considerate guy you have. It looks like your brother and parents love him. If things happened that you ended up not meeting your dream man in the future, you may suffer regret.

• However, you will have honoured your values and desire to live a life that pleases God. Even if you never found another man, or found one saved man that ended up being a disappointment, you will find comfort in the fact that you did what was right.

• Option 3: My Idea. Make a choice that you will be willing to stand by. I am a believer in living for something that will outlast this life. As a Christian, your life is built on a desire to trust and follow Jesus who saved you to the ends of the earth. Nothing should come in the way. It is clear what your foundation is and what he stands for. If you disengage with God, ask yourself how happy your life will be. My simple question is why he is comfortable with his decision and you can be with yours if it means that much you.

Remember the Bible verse that warns you about not being yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship can light have with darkness?

James T. Draper wrote, “Doubt never means yes and always means no or wait a while: God does not lead through doubt.

If you can’t get peace, that is an answer.” You have a desire to please God, waiting in prayer for what will please him will be better.

May be as you wait it may send a statement to him on how you seriously you have taken your faith conviction.

However, do not force him into salvation. Let God do his part as you wait in prayer. God will not disappoint.