Learn to say the word ‘No’ and mean it

One of the most powerful words that you will ever use in your life is the two letter word NO. It is so powerful that your ability and willingness to use it will determine the shape of your life. Many people live lives of regret because they did not say no to certain things when they should have. As important as the word is, it is also one of the most intimidating words to use. In fact many people are scared of using the word and those who do use it are so intimidated that they always try to give an explanation for their use of the word.

Many people cannot even say a straight no to an invitation to hang out on a Friday evening. They will look for an excuse. Simply saying that ‘I don’t feel like going out’ never seems to be a good enough reason.

The truth is that I am entitled to my No’s. I have a right to say that I don’t want to hang out with someone simply because I don’t feel like. I have a right to say that I don’t want to eat something simply because I don’t want it even if everyone else eats it and says how nice it is.

I have a right to be different. I have a right to think differently and live my life on the path of my thoughts without explaining to anyone. As long as my lifestyle is not harmful to someone else, I have a right to say no.

Little children have no problem saying no. The fear of the word no is a fear that we imbibe over time.

Our innate ability to say no became eroded over time by the human need for acceptance. Because this need for acceptance grows as people grow the power to say no begins to wane and before long it is totally nonexistent. 

AFRICAN DREAM

This need to conform has been the killer of greatness in so many lives. It has robbed many of their originality and it has killed innovation. Your ability to say no is a good indicator of how much of a disruptor you are. And we do know that innovation is the offspring of disruptors.

Many years ago in the height of a personal financial crisis, I was given an offer that was considered too good to refuse by the people making the offer. It was a major organisation in the United States that made an offer for me to join them at a very senior C –Suite level. Now when a multi-billion dollar organisation makes such an offer, the word no is not supposed to be in the horizon (especially when you are struggling financially).

However to the shock of the organisation and probably to my own shock too, I said no to them. What gave me the power to say no? I had said yes to something else. I had said yes to being a part of the great African transformation.

I had said yes to being an entrepreneur and creator of employment. I had said yes to living in Africa. I had said yes to an African dream. I had said yes to leaving a better Africa for my descendants than my forefathers left for me.

Your ability to say no will be influenced by what you have said yes to. You cannot say a strong no without having said a strong yes to something. In school you will be able to say a strong no to truancy only because you have said a strong yes to a great future. Only those who have said a strong yes to integrity and unblemished legacies will be able to say no to corruption.

Because I have said a strong yes to being a great father to my kids, I have said a strong no to anything that will tarnish my name. We are able to say a strong no to idling and oversleeping because we have said a strong yes to building great lives for ourselves and others.

We are able to say a strong no to gossip because we have said a stronger yes to decorum. If you are struggling with the ability to say no today, it means you need to find your yes first. When the yes is strong enough the no will be easy enough.