My boyfriend wants to keep our relationship private

My boyfriend has decided that I should not visit him at his place until we were officially married while he could still come to my place. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • He no longer calls me like he used to. He claims that he still loves me but I’m having doubts because of the way he is behaving. One day his friends asked him whether we were dating and he got mad at me, saying that I am the one telling everyone about our relationship.
  • I was very happy that people were recognising our relationship even though I  have never mentioned it to anyone. What bothers me is why he was furious.

We have been dating for six months. Our relationship was okay until my boyfriend decided that I should not visit him at his place until we were officially married while he could still come to my place. He no longer calls me like he used to. He claims that he still loves me but I’m having doubts because of the way he is behaving. One day his friends asked him whether we were dating and he got mad at me, saying that I am the one telling everyone about our relationship.

Meanwhile, I was very happy that people were recognising our relationship even though I  have never mentioned it to anyone.

What bothers me is why he was furious. He says he likes to keep his life private but I don’t think you can keep a relationship private. Please advise.

PNN

 

Hi,

When the person you are dating seems like a possible future candidate, you have to look for the core areas that matter. So the basic questions to ask are: Why do I think he is the one? What are the core values we share? Which of his values conflict with what I hold dear? The six months should make you re-align the decisions your make with your intentions. This is key because it helps you evaluate what the decisions you make are based on.

Sadly, most relationships are based on selfish interests and short-term desires. I can’t tell what drove him to say you shouldn’t visit him. Assumptions and speculations are the biggest killers of many great relationships. As much as every person deserves respect and privacy, when you get into a relationship, you should be ready to share a part of your time and life.

Interaction is where disclosure happens and love is built. I suggest that you to evaluate the actions that led to your boyfriend’s request. Could it have been the result of too much pressure because of too many visits? Were the visits beginning to be interpreted differently by his friends and siblings? You need to know this because he seems to take offence when you mention to his friends that the two of you are still together.

Could this have been a quiet way of telling you what you don’t want to hear at the moment. Maybe the writing, “It is over between us”, is already on the wall. 

If this is the case, move on. Respect his space, watch and wait. With time his actions and associations will tell what his intentions were in the first place.

Conversely, this could be a blessing in disguise, given that it is still early in the relationship. Watch your emotions in particular. Look at this as an opportunity to evaluate yourself and the relationship. It is better to go through a short-lived heartbreak than a separation or divorce later. Ask yourself what you need to do differently. Don’t hit back or look desperate. That would open a door to unending hurt and regrets.

Regardless of what his friends think of you, it is his actions that should concern you. Remember, even if you patch things up with their help and they put pressure on both of you, it still takes two to tango.

Therefore, ask yourself hard questions such as: Is this really the man for me? What makes me believe he is? If you have doubts, move on, heal from this and live your life. Keep your hopes alive.