Onyiso set the ball rolling: real men should follow suit

It was probably the biggest story of the week, which was anomalous, considering that it was not about the weave, a hairstyle that captures the fickle imagination of Kenyan men and not only makes them whine endlessly, but also exposes them as a people who cannot accept and move on.

Kenya’s testosterone-filled media might even rank it as one of the most-talked about stories of 2014, and they will probably conduct a frivolous study with a big-sounding title to find out whether it was right for Kenyans to discuss it on different media platforms.

The findings of that ill-informed study, as you might have already guessed, will not be of any use to the development of the nation’s manliness, but some individuals will feel happy that they have made Kenyans more aware of the inappropriate subjects that are discussed on radio talk shows.

This was the story of the month, and it has been discussed so much that writing about it now might even be considered unmanly, and some might even ask what more there is to write about it.

Now to the story: For the first time in the history of romance in Kenya, one Francis Onyiso bought space in the newspaper to apologise to his wife. The move confounded all the red-blooded men and self-styled relationship experts.

It was a heroic move, but instead of being considered Kenya’s first gentleman and being recommended for a State Honour, Onyiso received so much flak that he is probably considering buying more space to apologise to Kenyan men for contravening the National Code of Misconduct and besmirching the country’s motto of Rudeness to All.

Whatever led to the public apology is unclear, but it is safe to assume that he tried to cross the unknown boundaries of the Marital Code, or even Martial Code, if your missus comes from Nyeri.

But as the poet wrote: “What dire offence from amorous causes springs, what mighty contests rise from trivial things…in tasks so bold can little men engage, and in soft bosoms dwells such mighty rage.”

We can only conclude that Onyiso’s remorse — and tinge humiliation — had to be known by the whole world.

It is understandable that we are living in hard times, and it is hard to be one’s brother’s keeper, but it is not fair to kick a man when he is already down.

A commendable move

So it was very unfeeling of Kenyan men not to give their brother a shoulder to cry on, a place to lay his head, a helping hand, I mean, anything to make him stand on his own two feet and stay tuned to the music of the mating dance.

That is not to say that Onyiso is weak, or weakened, or is in a position where he needs help; the point is that he did what any well-meaning man should do, only that the space he bought was a tad too small and was not in a prominent position.

To put it simply, the step he took was wonderful, it is commendable and he deserves some medal for valour, you know, for letting the Kenyan man know that marriage, as some of us (or let me write for myself) do not know it, is different from a wedding, which is increasingly becoming a fully-sponsored television show with a badly written script.

Oh yes, some people might conclude that the Kenyan man at all levels of governance and the economy is under siege or is more endangered than the wildlife, so the male-dominated government should enact policies to literally empower him.

But Onyiso’s case exemplifies the big strides Kenyan men have made behind closed doors and is, in fact, proof that any programme that has ever been mooted to promote public display of affection is working perfectly and is up there with all the good things in life.

Some women remarked that if their husbands did what Onyiso — who is suspected to be an astute footballer who has been a member of the ever-successful national football team, Harambee Stars — did, they would divorce them then help them look for husbands because only women should do such things.

They could not be more wrong.

Onyiso — who is also suspected to be a brave member of the gallant Kenya Defence Forces — is the real man, and women should be trooping to his door while his brothers should ensure that he takes advantage of the Marriage Act as quickly as possible.

Suffice it to say that Onyiso came out of the matrimonial closet to declare that he is at peace with himself, and married men or those in stable relationships should follow suit instead of hiding in that secret bedroom of romance and come out to share the joys they experience after their wives have dragged them out of drinking joints in the full glare of their girlfriends or mistresses.

If Kenyan men needed a Brand Ambassador, they have just found one in Mr Onyiso, and media houses should be the happiest corporate entities because the perfect answer to their dwindling advertising revenues has just presented itself.

In my book, as an unmarried parent, Onyiso has not only upset the matrimonial bed, but has set new standards in the dating game and Kenyan women will have to work extra hard to live up to it.

As to whether it is high or low, time will definitely tell those who are madly in love and are looking forward to living unhappily ever after their apologies are published.