Pregnant and stuck with drunk, abusive man

Hi,

I am 28 while my boyfriend is 30. We have been dating for five years and moved in together after I got pregnant, but that was after I had pushed for it since he was not in a hurry.

I felt that we had known each other long enough and that it was time to have a baby. However, the problem is that he is a drunkard and becomes abusive and violent when he has taken alcohol.

He calls me a prostitute and other nasty names even though he knows that I have never cheated on him.

He is a good man when sober but since he drinks every day, I am afraid that he will never give me the respect I deserve, especially because he tells some of his friends that I am a prostitute.

I have always thought that he will change because there are times when he is very good.

I am now thinking of moving out since I feel we have started on the wrong foot. Is this the right decision? Please advise me.

Jecintah

Hi,

Several issues stand out from your email. First is the reason for your moving in together — your pregnancy. It is also clear that he was not ready for this.

Second, you are being treated as an outsider. It is clear from your email that you are dating a man who does not respect you or even treat you as a valuable friend.

Third is the fact that he has painted you in a bad light to his friends. I believe he is abusive and calls you names for reasons known only to himself.

In most relationships where a man feels forced into marriage because of a pregnancy or any other reason apart from love and readiness to marry, he is bound to react negatively.

I believe your boyfriend is acting this way because he feels trapped. That is why he is emotionally abusive and disrespectful, hoping that this will make you leave.

The fact that he is nice when sober is something you could consider taking advantage of and state your case. It is important that you involve others who can help bring the two of you to some level of discussion.

I suggest that you move with speed to deal with your emotional baggage. You are going through pain and are at the same time attached to a man who seems nice but still remains abusive. This could easily blind you from doing what is right for yourself.