My husband won’t help with the children
What you need to know:
- One thing that should be clear is that your former husband is the legal father of your children.
- Let him take charge — after all, they are also his children and he has a way of managing his wife.
Dear Kitoto,
I am a single mother of three. My husband and I separated five years ago.
He has refused to offer any support, whatsoever, to the children, forcing me to take full responsibility.
He filed for divorce without serving me with the papers way back in 2011, and I only got to know about it in February this year, after he had married another woman at the AG’s office.
He insists that he will only take responsibility for his children if I allow him to take them during school holidays.
My problem is that I do not trust the other woman with my children. Although she has a marriage certificate, she feels so insecure that she keeps insulting me and doing things to annoy me.
I have made up my mind to let the children be with him during the August holidays, but the fear is still there. What do I do?
The burden of paying school fees is overwhelming, yet he is a prominent businessman who can afford to cater for the children. And regarding the divorce, do I pursue it or is it too late?
Please help.
Hi,
One thing that should be clear is that your former husband is the legal father of your children.
He has the right to visit them and should be given the opportunity to help pay their school fees. What you still feel about him should really be in the past.
He has decided to move on and get himself a new wife. The best you can do is be civil and not see this woman as an intruder.
She has her own fears and would do anything to make you understand that it is over between her husband and you. Her insecurity can only be sorted out if this man has no contact with you.
However, that is not possible, seeing that he heeds to connect with his children.
I would like to suggest several things:
1) Acknowledge that your previous relationship with this man is over.
2) Allow reason to prevail so that your children can get what is due to them.
3) Avoid letting your insecurities to determine your actions.
If you are afraid of this woman’s actions towards you, do not confuse this with how you think she will treat your children.
If, indeed, there is a genuine reason for you to be concerned about how they will be treated, discuss this with him.
Let him take charge — after all, they are also his children and he has a way of managing his wife.
If you cannot handle the idea of this woman handling your children, then there is really nothing anyone can do. You have the power of choice.
