Guys, promise only what you can do

Pulling out milk teeth is a cringe-worthy affair. The first time we showed up at the dentist’s with a loose tooth, the nurse at the triage sweetly told us to go back home and pull out our daughter’s tooth ourselves.

“Remember how your parents did it?” she asked.

Sure, my grandma captured a wimping me in a scissor grip between her knees and, using a knife wedged between the teeth, got the damn tooth out.

From that time I kept my next loose tooth a top secret, until it hung on my lip and I gently tagged it off.

My dad would gently hold your face, gently tug at the tooth, and when you had relaxed, he would suddenly push it out, with force. One swift move and the tooth would be out while you’d be left screaming your lungs out.

I was tasked with the duty of teeth pulling after we agreed to devise our own method.

“You have nails and smaller hands, so you do it,” hubby said. But I suspect he preferred to remain the good guy in their books.

Thankfully, I got the hang of it with our first born, who at first would try to delay the pain by asking to pray. The prayers would include the family, relatives, neighbours, teachers, her grandmother’s hens and cows and would have gone on had I not interrupted, “Amen! Now, let’s face the pains of growing up.”

PROMISE OF BLISS

With patient tugging, the tooth would be out. But this changed when our four-year-old surprised us with two loose lower teeth. She already had the permanent teeth sprouting, which had gone unnoticed. Who would have thought a four-year-old would start shedding their milk teeth this early?

Even for a veteran tooth-puller like yours truly, these ones were a challenge. They were tiny and slim, plus a four-year-old is harder to negotiate with than a six-year-old. Amidst screams and a bloody mouth, I finally got one out. We decided to give her a couple of days’ break before pulling out the second one. She was already traumatised by my style, so she enlisted the help of her dad and got him to promise her that it would not hurt. Typical of male behaviour, when cornered by a female he particularly likes, he promised a blissful experience.

A week later, the tooth was hanging on one side, but one corner of it stubbornly stuck to her gums.

“What if it comes out at night when she’s sleeping, she could choke on it,” I said.

Horrified by the thought, hubby, finally stopped procrastinating and faced the giant task.

After one hour of heart-rending screams, daughter and father joined us in the sitting room, both looking distraught and exhausted.

“Is it out?” I asked, hugging my little girl.

“No, I want my mommy!” she sobbed.

But since the tooth had to go, hubby, looking like a sheep getting into the slaughterhouse, made the promise again.

“This time, it will not hurt…” One hour later, they emerged, his daughter screaming at him.

“You hurt me! You said it wouldn’t hurt!” 

One hour later, as she dozed on my lap, she looked up and saw him as he reached for the TV remote.

“You hurt me! You promised not to!” she screamed at him, jumping towards him, her body shaking with rage, and pummelled the couch he was sitting on with her small fist. He looked truly scared.

“Today I saw her mother in her,” he said, and immediately regretted it when I looked at him unsmiling.

And that, gentlemen, is how you get whopped by a woman. Never make promises you don’t intend to keep if you treasure a peaceful life.