Let’s all speak out against domestic violence

The journey from Mombasa to Nairobi, which usually takes about half a day by road, is long and exhausting. If you can afford it, you would rather travel by air, which will take you about 45 minutes.

It is therefore remarkable that Ian Lai, 22, and Thomas Rajula, 31, chose to do the unthinkable and make this journey by foot, walking the entire distance from Mombasa to Nairobi.

Their mission? To raise awareness about the worrying cases of domestic violence in the country.

Music teacher, Ian, and his counterpart, Thomas, a writer, were flagged off by Anglican Bishop, Julius Kalu, in Mombasa on February 21, arriving in Nairobi on March 12, where they were received by the Chief Justice, Dr Willy Mutunga.

They had spent a grueling 21 days on the road, and worn out two pairs of shoes each.

Esther Kisaghu, the founder of Rose Foundation, the organisation that organised the walk, explains the significance of choosing men, instead of women, to take that walk,

“Even though perpetrators of domestic violence are spread across both genders,  the victims are mostly women, thus the fight against the vice has always been championed by women. I wanted to show

Kenyans that men can also be in the forefront in this fight.”

Esther initiated the Rose Foundation to raise awareness about domestic and gender-based violence in Kenya.

“Latest statistics indicate that 42 percent of Kenyans have been affected by domestic violence, and to raise awareness on the issue, we needed a gesture more powerful than a day-long walk,” she explains.

The idea came to Esther in July last year, and she embarked on looking for ambassadors to carry the cause. Ian and Thomas were not only physically fit, but also had a persistent character that she hoped would push them to complete the walk.

IMPOSSIBLE TO WALK SUCH A DISTANCE

“When Esther first suggested the idea to me last year, my first reaction was to tell her it was impossible to walk such a distance. She however assured me that it was something I could comfortably do and asked me to think about it,” says Thomas.

After giving it some thought, he decided to take up the challenge.

Unlike Thomas, Ian’s initial reaction to the challenge was enthusiastic.

“Having taught music to children in remote schools in places such as Oloitoktok, I had often considered organising a walk to raise funds for these deserving schools, but was yet to follow through with my plans.”

When Esther therefore approached him and asked if he would volunteer his time and energy for the walk, he immediately jumped at the opportunity.

The two young men agree that the walk, though satisfying, was punishing, and pushed them to the limit.

“On day one, we walked for 24kms into the night before taking a rest at Mazeras. The second day, however, was the most difficult. We walked for 44kms, all the way past Mariakani before finding shelter in Samburu,” says Thomas.

“That day,” explains Ian, “we walked the entire distance without taking any food. We had not planned well, and did not know there was no human habitation along the route we had taken.

All we had with us was water, which had shot past desirable drinking temperatures due to the sweltering heat. The tarmac too was unforgiving, it was so hot, it penetrated our shoes and burned our feet.”

When they finally got shelter at the end of the second day, the two were limping, thanks to sore heels and tender muscles that would not cooperate.

“That incident revealed to us that the human body can only take a certain amount of exhaustion, and pushing oneself beyond the limit could be dangerous. From then onwards, we covered 30kms a day, and

ensured that we planned our meals and accommodation in advance,” Ian continues.

MOTORISTS A REAL THREAT DURING WALK

The only threat they came across was motorists.

“It is often said that Kenyan drivers are reckless – it is true, we saw it – to say that Kenyans are bad drivers would be an understatement,” Thomas says.

The two wore reflector jackets throughout the journey and walked a safe distance from the road, however, this did not stop them from nearly getting run over, especially by truck and bus drivers.

The two thank the police who had been assigned to protect them during the journey.

 “When the name “police” is mentioned, what comes to the minds of most Kenyans is an image of a cruel, trigger-happy and bribe-hungry person. However, the police officers that escorted us were kind, cheerful, and genuinely concerned about our welfare and health. In them we have made life-long friends,” Ian says.

Along the way, the two made brief stops in various towns where they attended pre-arranged community gatherings and spoke out against the cancer that is domestic violence.

They also met with local chiefs and politicians, among them the Taita Taveta women representative, Joyce Lay, who has since offered innumerable support to the Rose Foundation.

Thomas and Ian also met with and held discussions with local pastors and imams on how to handle gender-violence cases amongst their congregation.

As Esther explains, it took concerted lobbying and meticulous planning to pull off the walk.

“The logistics were sometimes overwhelming, but we managed to get sponsorship from companies such as Nakumatt, as well as Taita Taveta and Machakos County Governments’ GBV secretariats. The Anglican church and Nairobi Baptist church also

offered their support, as well as The Boma, Eka and Serena hotels.

Though Thomas has no personal domestic violence story to tell, he says he is not blind to the fact that it affects many in the society.

“You don’t have to be affected to speak out against it – I walked in solidarity with all the men, women and children out there who are suffering due to the hostility within the confines of their homes,” he says, adding that being an ambassador for the Rose

Foundation has revealed to him that the cases of domestic violence that are highlighted in the media are just but a tip of an ice-berg, a very big iceberg.

WITNESSED LIVES TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

As for Ian, he has witnessed the lives of some of his relatives and close friends being turned upside down due to being mistreated by their spouses and parents.

“I am in this cause for my mother, my sisters, my girlfriend and my future daughters,” he says.

As for Esther, the face behind this foundation, the cruel realities of domestic violence strike a deeply personal chord in her. She is a survivor of domestic violence, and knows just how harrowing an

experience it can be.

“I was married for nine years to a man I would not have believed would ever harm me,” she begins.

“After marriage, the man who was supposed to be my soul mate morphed into a cruel being who would beat me on a regular basis. After the beating, he would apologise profusely, and for a while, he would be very good to me, but then the cycle would replay itself.”

As time went by, the violence escalated, and with it profound emotional pain and disappointment by the fact that her marriage was not turning out as she had envisioned it would. She thus suffered in silence, afraid of falling short of societal expectations,

hoping and praying that one day he would come to his senses and change for the better—he did not.

“For the abused spouse, mostly women, the decision to walk away is never easy, especially where a child is involved,” she says, and adds,

“If a woman stays, the society judges her for exposing her children to violence. If she walks away, the society says that she should have held on for the sake of the children. Perhaps the question we should be asking is, “Why don’t abusive men walk away instead?”

Back to the question of why women in abusive marriages do not walk away, she points out that they have experienced extensive psychological torture, which translates to low self-esteem, depression, and

even mental illnesses, which makes them incapable of making sound decisions.

The best way to help a person in such as situation, she says, is to extend to them compassion and support, and link them with gender violence centres that offer rehabilitation. Thanks to the Protection Against Domestic Violence Act of 2015, the police are

now mandated to deal with such domestic violence cases more effectively than before.

“However, more needs to be done by the government to keep the vice in check and rehabilitate the victims,” says Esther.

She proposes that the government set up shelters for children and spouses affected by domestic violence in every county.

Food vouchers and employment agencies that exclusively cater to the victims should also be put up.

Her organisation, she adds, is ready to partner with the relevant institutions in coming up with a school curriculum that discusses domestic violence.

MOVING ON

It took a near-death experience, which required admission in hospital, to convince Esther to walk out on her marriage.

“I realised that my life was at stake, and  left for good.”

Esther has since devoted her time and energy trying to prevent what befell her from happening to other women. And men.

Wounded and battling low self-esteem, she vowed to put her life together by first dealing with the abuse that had left her mentally disturbed, physical wounded and emotionally drained.

She talked to a couple of people she knew and managed to join Boston University in the US to study public health.

“I chose this course simply because my late mother was a community health officer, I admired her, and wanted to follow in her footsteps.”

And as fate would have it, one of the modules in the course was Gender-based violence, a course that turned out to be an eye-opener, and one that would nudge her where she is today.

“When I realised that domestic violence was a public health problem of epidemic proportion, and that something could be done to prevent it, I decided that this would be my life’s calling, once I completed my studies.

I wanted to know everything there is to know about this subject.”

Besides what she was being taught in class, she researched on the internet, held discussions with her classmates, volunteered in organisations that assisted violated and abused men and women.

By the time she was graduating, it was clear in her mind; she would return to Kenya and be the voice that would speak out against this vice and reach out to those who, like her, had been physically abused.

Her job at the Rose Foundation is one she does with unparalleled passion, determined to rope in men like Ian and Thomas to talk to other men, and with a man’s voice, tell them that nothing justifies domestic

violence, that there is nothing heroic about beating a woman, that women need to be treated with respect.

 “It is only when you are on the ground that you are able to see just how deep the issue of domestic violence runs. In Taita Taveta for instance, Thomas and Ian were called upon to intervene on two separate

cases where two men had been stabbed by their wives – it is not just women who are going through domestic violence.”

Elizabeth Mwambui, who resigned from her job with an environmental agency to volunteer as a board member for the Rose Foundation, says she has been greatly encouraged by Thomas and Ian.

“That men have stepped up to champion for a cause against a vice which women are often at the receiving end is really humbling. As a woman, knowing that men care too gives me a renewed sense of power,” she says.

While receiving the group at his office in The Supreme Court, Chief Justice, Dr Willy Mutunga, reiterated the importance of men embracing their feminist masculinity.

“Embracing feminist masculinity is not just about men who change diapers and make beds. It is about men being in the forefront in the fight for equality. It is about raising men who will not brutalise women and children.”

“By undertaking the walk, Ian and Thomas are indicators of how the entire society is supposed to change, where men stand against gender violence. Female rights movements have to start incorporating both

feminism and masculinity in their agendas  to succeed,” said the Chief Justice.

FACTBOX

According to the 2014 Kenya Demographic and Health Survey (KDHs), 45 per cent of women between 15-49 years have experience physical violence, while 20 per cent have been physically violated in the last one year.

Seven per cent of married men report going through physical violence in the hands of their wife or partner, while an additional 4 per cent report experiencing sexual violence.

21 is the percentage of married men who have been emotionally abused by their spouse.

44 is the percentage of men between 15-49 years report having gone through physical violence.

A report released in 2015 by the National Crime Research Center said 38 per cent of females and 20 per cent of males in Kenya have experienced gender-based violence.

 Globally, according to World Health Organisation (WHO) statistics, 1 in every 3 women has experienced domestic violence, while 1 in every 7 men has experienced domestic violence.

According to Dr Ruth Aura, chairperson of The Federation of Women Lawyers in Kenya (FIDA-Kenya), the organisation has, since its inception, offered legal aid to over 30,000 Kenyan women affected by domestic violence.

From July 2014 to June 2015 alone, FIDA-Kenya has provided legal assistance to 8,504 women, all victims of domestic violence.