Who says we must live with men to survive?
What you need to know:
- Ms Awili says she woke up one morning, only to find family elders and the would-be inheritor assembled in her compound.
- “I refused to have sex with a stranger because I do not subscribe to the reasons given for the practice,” says Ms Awili. “I loathe everything to do with widow inheritance. The rituals are annoying and disgusting,” she told DN2.
- Paradoxically, while the inheritor is supposed to take care of the widow, the opposite is often true. She gives him good food, provides for his needs, and generally pampers him to keep him close. Yet all the inheritor provides in return is sex.
A group of women in Matangwe in Bondo District, Siaya County, have said an emphatic no to the practice of wife inheritance.
They consider is outdated tradition that deserves nothing but condemnation.
And to survive, they have formed a group known as Mak Wadu Mond Ruoth which loosely translated means (Help your colleague, women of God).
Ms Rose Atieno Awili, 24, says, her problems began when she refused to be inherited, despite an inheritor having been chosen for her immediately after her husband’s death.
“I was told about it on very day that I was supposed to be cleansed,” says Ms Awili.
Traditionally, it is only after a widow has been cleansed that she is deemed to have been been inherited. And the cleansing involves having unprotected sex with the inheritor. The ritual cleanses the widow and leaves her free to go about her duties without the restrictions associated with widowhood.
Ms Awili says she woke up one morning, only to find family elders and the would-be inheritor assembled in her compound.
“I refused to have sex with a stranger because I do not subscribe to the reasons given for the practice,” says Ms Awili. “I loathe everything to do with widow inheritance. The rituals are annoying and disgusting,” she told DN2.
Paradoxically, while the inheritor is supposed to take care of the widow, the opposite is often true. She gives him good food, provides for his needs, and generally pampers him to keep him close. Yet all the inheritor provides in return is sex.
“Why do I need a man if I have to pay for everything? With or without a man, I was going to take care of everything in the house like the children’s education, health, food, and other basic needs,” says Ms Awili.
For defying the family’s wishes, she was declared an outcast.
But she considers it a blessing in disguise, saying she has been able to do a lot without a man in her life.
“I have been able to do everything by myself, even when the elders insisted I get a man to perform what are considered manly work,” she says.
Ms Awili’s story is no different from the other 65 members, who have received the same treatment for defying tradition. “The whole village labelled me an outcast. I was not allowed to perform ordinary work such as tending my farm,” says Nereah Abonyo, one of the oldest women in the group. “I thank God I have managed,” says the 65-year-old.
When Ms Abonyo wanted to build a new house, she was told by the community elders to get a man to help her because, traditionally, a house is not considered complete without an osuri, the pointed stick on top of the hut, which must be placed by a man. And it is placed only after the inheritor has cleansed the widow.
But Ms Abonyo would have not of it
“I did not care what would happen to me. The people who built my house placed the osuri. I did not sleep with any of them but I survived, and I am alive,” she says with a touch of gleeful defiance.
Ms Abonyo and the other older widows educate the young ones on the challenges of widowhood and how to cope in the face of retrogressive traditions.
“Every Friday we make home visits. We lend our members money through table banking,” said the chair, Benta Okode.
She said poverty was one of the contributing factors to widow inheritance.
“Most women in the village succumb to the tradition because they do not have anyone to provide for them, not knowing that the inheritors also expect to be provided for,” says Ms Okode. She says with table banking, the women can get loans, do business and live independent lives.