I’m lonely, but going back to my husband is too risky

Hi Kitoto,

I am 43, born-again, and the mother of two grown children. I got married at  the age of 21 and walked out of the marriage at 25. I left my husband because he said he had married the wrong person. He accused me of bewitching him and causing his mental problems.

I was determined to make the marriage work but it was impossible. His whole family rose against me and wanted me to leave their son alone, ostensibly so that he could get well. Later, I found out that my husband had been keeping a sword under our mattress. This scared me and I decided to leave.

I backslid and got involved with a married man, who fathered my second born.

I later re-dedicated my life to Jesus, ended this relationship, and decided to focus on bringing up my children. They are now grown and loneliness is starting to take its toll on me.

While still in this body, I need someone to love and to love me back. During my low moments, I need a shoulder to cry on. I forgave my husband, but just cannot live with him. I cannot trust him with my life after so many years of separation.

If he  wanted to harm me when we had just married, I ask myself, how much more now? I am well aware God hates divorce, but what do I do? Please advise.

Jane

Hi,

Given what you have been through, one would definitely empathise with you regarding what happened in your first marriage. It is scaring to be in a home where you are not loved and your life is in danger.

I do no want to say much about how you were treated by your husband and his relatives, but the fact that he had a weapon under the mattress is horrifying, especially if he intended to use it to harm you. This alone should have been a police matter.

However, maintaining a sober and focused life helps those facing separation, abuse, or divorce to make wise choices concerning their future.

The actions that led you into the hands of a married man are regrettable but could have been avoided. Looking for love while on the rebound has led many people to engage in relationships that they later regret. Your turning back to seek God’s help should give you the focus and desire to live better now that you have renewed your spiritual relationship with Him.

Committing to prayer and keeping the company of other mature women whom you can use to sound out any questions you might have is a great idea. I believe you will agree with me that values are important. The moment we compromise on what we believe in, we are very likely to regret the outcome.

With two failed relationships in which others have taken advantage of you, you need to be extra careful, otherwise you could find yourself in an even more difficult situation.