A story of two men: I serve everyone, heterosexual or gay

As I write this, the two young men have reconciled. PHOTO | NATION

What you need to know:

  • In fact, I was not in the mood to help anyone. But Jon refused to be referred even to our most experienced counsellor. He insisted that his matter was “very, very personal”.
  • All I can say is that since I met these two gay men, I have been doing some deep thinking; how long will we continue to bury our heads in the sand regarding homosexuality ?

JON* Had been calling me persistently. Actually, I was almost moving his phone number to the sumbua group when I finally decided to accept his call and get to the bottom of whatever was bothering him, once and for all.

“My life is falling apart,” he told me when I answered.

I asked him to come to my office.

He was dressed in black tight trousers with red embroidery at the pockets, a black long-sleeved but partially unbuttoned shirt, revealing part of his chest, including a nipple. I thought Jon looked too smart and flashy for a man.

Anyway, I really hoped I would be able to help him as I was in my second week of Atripla medication, and did not trust my mind to genuinely help someone.

In fact, I was not in the mood to help anyone. But Jon refused to be referred even to our most experienced counsellor. He insisted that his matter was “very, very personal”.

“Show me one case that comes to KENWA that’s not very personal,” I muttered to myself.

As Jon sat down, I could not help noticing his polished nails and the orderly manner in which he sat down.

SEXUALITY ISSUES

He went straight to the point.

“My partner and I tested HIV-positive a while back and I didn’t know who else to talk to except you.”

He continued, “I knew I was gay back in high school. I felt like I was wearing the wrong clothes. At times I wore my sisters’ clothes. But as I grew older, my mother reprimanded me about this behaviour, something that convinced me that there was something wrong with me.

“I lived for a long time feeling like I was living someone else’s life. I was never attracted to girls, not even my sisters’ friends.

“One day, I confided in an uncle about this feeling, but he suggested that I was bewitched and needed cleansing. I never talked about it again, but I knew I was different.”

I think Jon read my amazement, worsened by Atripla’s stress, on my face and quickly said, “That’s not why I’m here. I’m here because my relationship is breaking up.

“I went to university and got a good job. I’m working in a big company that’s paying me well and offers me a good house. I have a boyfriend, whom I’ve been living with for five years.

“Well, Ben* packed up everything and left me. No matter what I do to try to reach him, through friends or text messages, he has refused to talk to me. I’m emotionally down. I can’t even work.

“That’s why I’ve been calling you. During our happier days, we used to discuss you. I know Ben will listen to you. We used to discuss you a lot… I never thought that one day I’d want your help.

“I felt hopeful when I drove in because on your gate it’s written: ‘We Repair Broken Hearts’. I had a feeling mine would be repaired if I saw you.”

As Jon described what he thought was the issue with their relationship, it was not difficult to compare theirs with any heterosexual, read normal, relationship that I have handled before.

And so, as I would have done in any other case, I called Ben and he agreed to meet me. As I write this, the two young men have reconciled.

We all have varied opinions regarding same-sex relationships. In my line of work, however, I am obligated to serve everyone, heterosexuals and homosexuals, or whoever else comes to me for help. My personal views are secondary.

When the Jon and Ben recently visited me, occasionally holding hands, they promised to treat me to nyama choma. I am game and glad to have played a reconciliatory role.

Since I am not a judge, I refuse to judge whether they are doing the right thing or not. All I can say is that since I met these two gay men, I have been doing some deep thinking; how long will we continue to bury our heads in the sand regarding homosexuality ?

This is the diary of Asunta Wagura, a mother-of-five who tested HIV-positive 26 years ago. She is the executive director of the Kenya Network of Women with Aids (KENWA). Email: [email protected]