YOURSAY: I don’t care what you think anymore

The other day, my friend’s child came up to me and asked, “What does it mean when adults say, because I said so?”

At first, I was taken aback by the question, and sought to find out what had motivated it. She went on to tell me that she had asked her mother if she could have some ice-cream, a request that was denied. After asking why she couldn’t have some, yet it was a sunny day, the mother replied; “Because I said so!”

I could not tell her that I had no idea what the question meant, so I gave her a politically correct answer, even though I must admit, she didn’t quite look convinced.

A few hours later, I found myself pondering over this issue. I related it to my adult experience. I had based most of my decisions on the fact that someone disapproved of my plans. As a result, I had let go of many opportunities, dropped a number of adventures and set passions aside because either the society, or my family and friends didn’t agree with them. I realised that I had been living a skeleton of a life because what everyone said and thought mattered more to me.

I was told that it wasn’t acceptable to study arts because I was an A student. According to society, I would be wasting my life if I studied ‘soft’ subjects. Also, it wasn’t acceptable for me to leave a job or task that I didn’t enjoy because I would be labeled a quitter.

YAANI YOU ARE THAT BROKE?

I couldn’t break out in dance and laughter in some social gatherings because that was unladylike behaviour, and in relationships, I couldn’t speak my mind because that reeked of arrogance, and anyway, men don’t like women who are too assertive.

I recalled how I had a very difficult time when my trendy phone got stolen and I had to buy a basic one, one of those ‘mulika mwizis’. I was afraid to let my friends and workmates see it because of what they might say. I could envision one of them remarking, “Yaani you are that broke?” To avoid such a scenario, I only used the phone in the confines of my house.

Looking back, I realise how absurd that was, but at the time, I was convinced that it was a matter of life and death.

I have a friend who has a habit of borrowing phones and other electronic devices, as well as cars, when going for business meetings, just to keep up appearances. Like most people, his motto is fake it until you make it. What a difficult life!

Anyway, I realised that I had made myself a slave of other people’s opinions. With the social media frenzy, I had bought into the lie that my photos had to look perfect on Instagram; my status on Facebook had to reflect the great life I was living; the more followers I had on twitter, the better - I put so much pressure on myself to build a perfect persona, I forgot who I really was.

Not anymore. Once the pressure became too much to handle, I promised myself that I would no longer bow to the world’s preconceived notion of how things should be done. I decided that I was going to be myself. After all, world changers always stood out. They didn’t fit into the status quo.

I decided that from then on, my mantra would be ‘If it feels and sits right with me, I will go ahead and do it’. Sure, I might make some mistakes along the way, but at least they’ll be my mistakes. I’ll own them because I will have written my own script, not read from someone else’s.

Ultimately, if I want to do something, I’ll do it because I want to, not because someone else or the society said so.