These are the many  joys of being a fulltime mother

I have newfound appreciation for motherhood. For the past one year, I have been doing one job: being a mother.

Before I took this sabbatical, I was trying to balance between being a mother, and multiple other duties that come with being the head of an organisation with thousands of members.

Many times, I carried my work, and the concerns of tens of members, home.

In my line of work, the lines are blurred between home and office. Some nights, just when I was tucking in one of my children, I would receive a phone call saying that one of our members was in a bad condition, and needed to be rushed to hospital.

Burnout balm

Being with my children fulltime has made me learn so much about them. When the only time you see your children is in the morning and evening, like I did before I took this sabbatical, you might find yourself playing catch-up to some of their developmental milestones.

Aside from learning stuff about my children, I have also learnt a lot about myself. Many colleagues in the NGO world think I’m the no-nonsense type. I don’t know.

I think it’s the nature of my work, and the nature of the people I bump into, that has made me who I am. HIV activism can make even a day-old baby to develop a thick skin. My children have brought out my softie side. When I’m home, I’m simply mom; not an Executive Director, with numerous awards and accolades.

My four boys, (between two and eight years) have, over the time I have been with them, worked on my patience so much, I no longer care about some of the things I used to care about. They are a rambunctious lot, and are, I believe, just what the doctor ordered for my NGO-related burnouts and activism hang-ups. 

Do not disturb

You all know that Richard and I separated. With no man around to help with hands-on parenting, I have had to muster all the skills that I have, skill I didn’t know I even have. It was Nancy Reagan who said that a woman is like a tea bag; you don’t know how strong she is until she is in hot water.

Children, especially boys being raised by a woman, know which buttons to press. I know I have a ton of learning waiting for me. I’ll make mistakes along the way, but I’ll tough it out. I’ll be the best mother I can be under the circumstances.  

I have neither the time nor luxury to regret my relationship. Not now. That was then. Now I need to concentrate on molding my boys into responsible men. Mama’s hands are full. All her time is occupied by parenting.

Mom’s rescue team

I am grateful for many things. One weight that has been lifted from my shoulder, at least during the day, is caring for my son Issa. Issa has autism spectrum disorder (ASD). He is getting professional help, and in this, I am lucky.

Many mothers with a child like mine can only dream of the assistance I have. These women have to be mother, wife and caregiver; sometimes without the most basic knowledge on how to correctly manage the condition their child is living with. I know I would be completely overwhelmed if these pros had not come through for me.

With Issa taken care of, I have plenty of time left to be a mother to Joshua and the twins, Gabriel and Baraka. By the time Issa returns home, we have all missed him. This is quite unlike when his brothers thought he was hogging all my attention. Issa’s absence makes my heart to grow fonder, but it also gives me time to recharge.

Walking in mama’s shoes

I always wondered how my mother managed to raise so many children. I did not exactly know that I had it in me, until the twins arrived. And now, including Peter, I had five boys who call me mother.

For the time being, circumstances have forced me to walk in my mother’s shoes. Instead of power suits, I’m now wearing aprons. Instead of writing memos, I’m issuing time-outs. Instead of chairing terse staff meetings, I am chairing real breakfast meetings. I’m loving this.

Happy Mother’s Day.