Boys, blame the monthly monster, not your wife

Someone needs to warn our men. We know you are fierce competitors, keen on winning every boardroom negotiation, eyes on the senior post.

  However, in utter disregard for your safety, or maybe in ignorance, you bring the same winning streak at home, and feel you must win that argument with your wife. This is where I come in to warn men, because, trust me, you are better off losing and letting go of some battles, otherwise you risk losing your sanity.

I have no idea what made me sit for two hours, watching a horror flick about this young girl who was demon possessed. Before then, she had been a sweet, cheery person, and then she turned into a cruel, super strong monster with a deep voice. Incidentally, I did not get freaked out at all by the movie, because there was something vaguely familiar about her situation. An almost similar transformation comes over me a few days every month, and to almost every other woman in this planet.

HORMONES THE DEMONS

There are demons called hormones. They invade our systems in fluctuating levels every month. They wreak havoc. I cannot even begin to wholly describe what they take us through. Hubby and the kids have an inkling that there are days every month that they need to tip toe around me, because I get moody, snappy and  could very easily chew off someone’s head.

What he sees is only a small symptom of what else is going on inside. There is something called PMS, the culmination of those hormones. And no, we are not moody and sulky during our menses.

It is the five or so days before them that we become dangerous. It is a depressive, overwhelming experience that we have no control over.

Yes, we do try to tell ourselves to look up and be grateful for the sun warming up our faces, but we are bloated, have cramps, stomach upset, and a painful huge pimple on the forehead, so it is difficult to be grateful.

With crystal clarity and detail, we remember all your big and small sins of omission and commission from fifty years ago.

By the time you get home, we are fire-spewing dragons. The kids are quietly settled, the wise house assistant tactfully keeps out of the way, since she has been there too, every month, for several years now.

But you! Horns blaring, you walk in, straight into a danger zone. I want to let you know that carrying on an argument at this time is an ill-advised step to take.

The most surprising thing is that my husband never can remember that this is a cyclical thing, and so we engage in a meaningless argument about mundane things like whose pillow is more comfortable or who last initiated you know what.

There is no winning this battle guys, let it go. If you want peace, take a note book, study your wife for the next three months and note when this PMS monster takes over her life.

For those four days, you are advised to be extraordinarily understanding and loving. It might not make sense to you because your moods and almost everything else stays the same, but it will help reduce the drama if on one of those days, you could help her with change of environment, away from routine.

Again, no arguments on those days, because they will definitely spiral into full blown fights, and she will bring up that thoughtless comment you made seven years back about her crazy aunt.

By all means, I think I am allowed four days in a month to bring absolute miserly to hubby if by now, he has not noted my monthly pattern. Also, isn’t marriage for better and worse?