Cushion your relationship from bitterness

As you might have guessed from the direction this article has taken so far, the solution I am suggesting today is that whenever you have a bitter solution at hand, you should put it in a capsule to make it more palatable. First, you must value the relationship enough to want to protect it, even when you know the solution might be a bitter one. PHOTO/FILE

What you need to know:

  • Allow me to get philosophical here. I believe very much in the power of love and the influence it has in our relationships. By love, I mean all forms of it—the erotic kind, filial love and the divine love, agape. But for love to be real, it comes in a package, and that package is you and me.
  • Unfortunately, we are not always very sweet packages of love, and more often than not, our bitter side waters down our sweeter side.

A few years ago, a sick friend was advised that eating hot pepper could help alleviate the pain that was keeping him up at night.

However, for the pepper to work, he would have to eat a lot of it - you can imagine how difficult that was. But he badly needed the remedy, and so continued to endure the unbearable burning, until someone offered him a wonderful solution—he could take the pepper in capsule form.

The solution was nothing less than a miracle. This story taught me a few lessons regarding love and relationships, lessons that that I will share with you today.

Good solutions can be distressing

This to me is the most important lesson, that sometimes, may be even most of the time, the best solution to a difficult situation might be hotter than chili. It might require that we give up something we really like or do something in a very different way.

We might be the bitter pills ourselves

Allow me to get philosophical here. I believe very much in the power of love and the influence it has in our relationships. By love, I mean all forms of it—the erotic kind, filial love and the divine love, agape. But for love to be real, it comes in a package, and that package is you and me. Unfortunately, we are not always very sweet packages of love, and more often than not, our bitter side waters down our sweeter side.

As my friend found out, certain solutions, if taken in a certain form, are unsustainable because they are too bitter. For example, you may have caught your spouse cheating on you, and though you agreed to let the past stay there, every time the topic comes up in a conversation, you remind him about the past. With time, that might prove too bitter to swallow. There is a solution.

Capsulate unpalatable solutions

The good news, as my friend found out, is that bitter solutions can also be made palatable. As you might have guessed from the direction this article has taken so far, the solution I am suggesting today is that whenever you have a bitter solution at hand, you should put it in a capsule to make it more palatable.

What would this mean in practical terms?

First, you must value the relationship enough to want to protect it, even when you know the solution might be a bitter one.

For example, many men don’t want to discuss the issues of supporting their parents with their wives, usually resulting in never-ending conflict. It might sound like a bitter pill to swallow, but think about eating a plateful of chili; wouldn’t you if your life depended on it?  

Second, we need to look for innovative solutions to our challenges.

For instance,  having a problem-solving day every month. On that day, talk about and tackle issues that are bothering you.

Finally, we need to realise that we are the conduits through which our spouses experience love, but we are imperfect, just as they are.

Our personalities might be different, our partners might have wronged us, or we might be experiencing one of those ominous, “This is not working anymore,” moments. If going through this phase, put you frustration in a capsule and have a sober conversation that will provide a solution.