Everyone needs a set of really good friends

The other day, a friend of mine posted this quote by Jim Rohn on her Facebook wall: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

I have often heard my parents and teachers stress the importance of having good friends and mentors around me.

It is not difficult to understand why, but we rarely take time to evaluate our friendships or deliberately seek out good friends.

We usually just go with the flow. Whoever we end up spending time with — whether we work with them, have similar schedules at school, play sports together, or live close by — we conveniently form friendships with. This is not a bad thing, but how often do we take the time to ask ourselves: “Does this person add value to my life?”

 Qualities of a good friend

A good friend should challenge you to become better.

They can do this verbally or, better still, the way they live their lives should inspire you to improve different areas of your life. You do not want people who judge you or are overly critical because that can be toxic to your friendship and can easily lead to feelings of bitterness and resentment.

On the other hand, you do want someone who will call you out or confront you when you are slipping.

This may be about a bad habit you started picking up or laziness and lack of focus that is getting you off the track. You do not want a friend who does not care or does not notice when you are veering off the track or getting into trouble.

This support should be mutual. You should ask yourself: “How am I adding value to my friends’ lives?”

Is the way you live your life inspirational? Are you perceptive of what your friends are going through or are you just caught up in your own head?

Do you care? Are you available when they need you? Are you willing to sacrifice time and money, if need be, to support them?

In the lyrics of the hit TLC song, What About Your Friends: “What about your friends, Are they going to be around, Are they going to let you down?”

Throughout my teens and early 20s, my father would see me rolling around with various friends from one hang to another and say, “You know, you don’t need too many friends, you only need a few good ones who add value to your life.”

For many years, I ignored this advice, thinking that my father just wanted me to spend more time at home. Later, this started to make sense. I had less and less in common with some friends I used to spend a lot of time with. As we matured we started to have different beliefs, passions, perspectives on life, and interests.

 Strength of Diversity

However, the point is not just to find people who have the most similar characteristics as you. In fact, some of your closest friends could be on the other end of the personality spectrum.

They bring a fresh perspective to your life.

They can often see blind spots that you never knew where there and also get you to appreciate aspects of life you did not care much about before.

They get you away from “group think” and can challenge your habitual instincts.

That is the power of diversity. If you seek to have an influential, value-adding, diverse group of close friends and to be that kind of friend to those you interact with, you are positioning yourself for growth and success.