How do we cure recurring toothaches in marriage?

I know Bernard, my colleague, will have my kidney for dinner when he reads this, but I could not help eavesdropping, and later participating in a discussion about his dental problems.

As I have said here before, most men find it difficult to seek medical help. They wait until either the pain, or their wives drive them crazy.

In October last year, Bernard’s tooth cracked. He spit out the bits and got on with his life. He had a persistent pain, which he numbed with painkillers. This worked for a while, until early this year. Bernard was enjoying some nyama choma when a small bone got wedged into his cracked tooth. The pain he felt almost knocked him out, and fearing he would not survive the afternoon, he called a friend, who recommended a dentist. As luck would have it, the dentist happened to be a lovely woman. Our single and ready to mingle Bernard was in a dilemma.

Should he reschedule so that he could see a different doctor, or let the beautiful woman see him cry with pain? Before he could make up his mind, he was called in. “Does this hurt?” She had asked him as she pressed his swollen jaw.

He managed to suppress a wince and said, “Not much,” adding, “Don’t bother with the anesthesia; I took pain killers before I came here.”

Three minutes later, he was howling his lungs out, as she injected the anesthesia. It did not work, so she did it again. And again. 

“You stayed too long before having this tooth checked. Now, the nerve is infected.”

I will spare you the details of the agony he went through, but it took three dental visits before the painful problem was sorted out. I told hubby this story, hoping he will get round to finally having an aching tooth checked out, but he was unperturbed, and laughed me off.

NOT WORRIED

I am not worried though, because pretty soon, he will run to the dentist without being told. The toothache will work its magic.

Bernard’s tooth situation best describes some situations we go through in marriage.

I call them relationship toothaches. Either we have never learned how to resolve these recurring issues, or we are not willing to face the painful journey of discussing and resolving them. Or maybe, they are not resolvable, but we cannot completely agree on how to live with them amicably. Sometimes, we might think we have worked through them, but they still come back, wearing different masks, but underneath, it is the same issue.

Until we can clean out the infection, we will continue to have the toothaches often. I know someone is thinking in-laws!

Sure, the in-laws issue is a recurring toothache in most marriages, but the most common toothaches tend to be money and sex.

That said, every couple has a special toothache, that topic you know will ultimately bring on a heated argument. The one that demands a strategy before tabling your opinions.

Hubby and I argue about our different money personalities. I like the comfort of money in my bank account, money that I can easily access in an emergency. Do not even try to psycho-analyse me on this one. Hubby thinks it is folly to let money sit in a bank account for months or years, doing “nothing”.

He strongly believes every coin should be invested and (hopefully) give birth to more returns. I suspect we might have this toothache for a long time.