I don’t want a Ugandan woman, my Kenyan one is just fine

A few days ago, I bumped into Alex, a former college mate, who recently returned home from a job posting in Uganda. As we chatted, he revealed how happy he was to be back.

“I am busy planning for my wedding in two months’ time,” he told me.

After congratulating him, I asked him whether his wife-to-be was Ugandan.

He laughed, then told me that the woman he loves comes from Nyeri. We both laughed, aware of the stereotypical jokes and comments about Nyeri women.

“So, is it true that Ugandan women kneel down for their men?” I wanted to know.

LOYAL DRAMA QUEEN

“It’s true they kneel down as a sign of respect to their men. In fact, during the first few months of my stay, I walked around feeling like a senior chief. The maid, waitress, even my female colleagues had this humble, respectful demeanour around me. The kneeling just inflated my ego to another level!”

“Shhh, don’t speak too loudly, otherwise our Kenyan men will pack and head to Uganda,” I joked.

“Trust me, after a couple of months, they will rush back home!” he said, surprising me, and then explained;

“First of all, I found out Ugandan women bow to every other man. I would not want my wife bowing to me, and then to every Tom, Dick and Harry.”

“Seriously, I missed the drama and headaches from my Nyeri girl,” Alex joked.

“You can’t be serious!” I commented.

“Trust me, the Kenyan girl is real. She will tell a man off, praise him, curse him, stand her ground, push him to the wall, but she is loyal to the bone.”

Maybe we should send our Kenyan men out there after all. They might come back with renewed respect for our supposedly too independent, headstrong attitudes. Gentlemen, hold onto your horses (or suitcases). 

While I am sure Uganda has lovely women, the chat with Alex was a reminder that the neighbour’s lawn always looks better than yours.

What we fail to put into account is the fact that the neighbours have had to get down and dirty, digging out the weeds, watering and mowing their lawns before it turned out that beautiful, green and velvety.

Incidentally, your neighbours might be thinking how lovely your lawn looks. I have realised that human beings are prone to take for granted what they have as they busily envy what the other one has.

The couple next door might look perfect to you, but clothes cover up a lot. If they indeed have a happier and more fulfilling relationship than yours, then they must have put in a lot of work to make it what it is. Why not do the same?

TEAM EFFORT

You see, there are perfect marriages in books and movies, but real, functional, happy marriages are here on earth.

Just like any other human relationship, there will always be conflicts and sometimes major rows that will drive you crazy.

There will be personality clashes, there will be someone trying to change the other or getting infuriated that their partner is not more like them!

While marriage is good, beautiful even, it takes watering, weeding and observing some ground rules.

And it takes team work to work. Someone told me the other day that it is a wife who determines whether a marriage holds or breaks down. That a wife’s role is to steer the boat, and that she alone determines the direction that boat takes.

Marriage is a two way traffic, period. Without the goodwill and mutual agreement on the direction and shape of their union, the pressure on one person alone to make it work is what leads to disillusionment and even depression.

A successful marriage needs much more than a courteous Ugandan woman, or a rich Nigerian man.