FATHERHOOD: I have always been my daughter’s dictionary

Innocence. That’s what childhood is all about. Me? I think twice before asking certain questions. Especially in social settings where protocol and propriety are the order of the dining table. But kids chuck such

rulebooks into the bin. 

SUGAR AND HONEY

Kids don’t always know how foodstuff gets to the dining table. Our daughter’s no exception…

“Mom? Hio nyasi ni ya nini?” Pudd’ng asks when she sees a clip on TV showing sugarcane being loaded onto a tractor. (Translation: what’s that grass for? My thoughts: thatching, sweets).

Speaking of sweet things, Pudd’ng loves eating her cereal with dollops of honey. She has a rough Idea where honey comes from, but, apparently not exactly. I know what will happen if I tell her honey is bees’ barf. She’ll fall sick. Tea-hee moment

We have all had our faux pa moments during dinner. If you haven’t, it’s coming. Get ready for the blushes. I once struggled to open a bottle of hand wash. My host came to my rescue, and with utmost grace and ease, he squeezed the top of the bottle. Man, I felt like a Neanderthal.   

“Kwani majani chai ni tea bag?” Pudd’ng once asked.

(Translation: are tea leaves tea bags?)

I kept a straight face. If you want a kid to forever shut her questions tap, give her a tee-hee when she puts her little foot in her mouth.

I don’t blame my daughter on this one. Until the other day, I believed limes and lemons were as different as apples and oranges, which is why I understood when Pudd’ng dropped a breakfast blooper. I was whipping up my sandwich made from, among other ingredients, lettuce.  

“Dah-dee? Does lettuce come from cabbages?”

“They’re cousins…I think.” 

Several weeks ago, our daughter went to their cousin’s place for a sleepover. When she returned, she brought me a surprise: canned soda. Her uncle had taken them to eat out, and Pudd’ng saved the soft drink for me.

“Thanks,” I said, knocked for six by her thoughtfulness. “Please put in the fridge, I’ll drink it later.”

Barely 10 minutes later, the thirsty girl was slowly sipping my surprise, as she watched a cartoon. 

“I thought that was my surprise,” I commented, as she handed me the empty can to taste.

“I’ll buy you yours,” she replied, pokerfaced.

Well? Only a kid can to do that, and get away with it.

OUR BABY’S BEEF WITH BEEF

Beef, according to my dictionary: meat from a cow, bull, heifer or steer.

Beef, according to my daughter: meat from a cow, bull, heifer or steer that is cut in pieces and cooked.

And so it goes…

“Is this beef?” our daughter asks when she sees or smells meat on the dinner table. “You know I don’t eat beef.”

“But you eat liver, minced meat and beef burgers,” we reply, trying to make her see that all these products are the same.

“Me I don’t eat beef,” she’s adamant. 

THE DEA

The fight against drugs and drug abuse is shaping up to be the next big battle. This day, on the news on TV, we see cops cutting down cannabis sativa plants.

“Why are the police cutting down those plants?” our ever-curious daughter asks, her tone telling me she is concerned about the law enforcement degrading the environment.

When I tell her what it really is, her empathy turns to disbelief. It is every dad’s job to be the Drug Enforcement Agency. To let their kids know what’s really what, not let them fill the blanks. Recently, Pudd’ng surprised me by telling me about sweets laced with drugs, which end up turning our children into junkies. They had been tipped off by their teacher. This is why it is important to know what your child is eating or drinking out there. Even if, like Pudd’ng sometimes tells me, it is a gift from a classmate. I am learning that you should never leave anything to chance where your child is concerned.

CURIOUS:

If you want your child to shy away from asking questions, laugh at her.

Tell them, instead of letting them fill in the blanks