Seven things a man shouldn’t do during separation
Cue in Survivor lyrics, from Destiny’s Child: “You know I’m not gon’ diss you on the internet/Coz my mama taught me better than that.” Mh. ILLUSTRATION| JOSEPH BARAZA
What you need to know:
If, like me, you’re a music freak, and rhythm and rhyme takes you to places that no Mary Jane can; do not change your playlist.
And don’t call her favourite FM station, request a diss song, and dedicate it to her.
Before separation kicked you in the backside, was your playlist the stuff mushy tunes are made of? Were you going on about how she was, a la Chris Brown, Fine China?
DON’T GO HAM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Cue in Survivor lyrics, from Destiny’s Child: “You know I’m not gon’ diss you on the internet/Coz my mama taught me better than that.” Mh.
While you’re at it, don’t ever change your Facebook status to, “Complicated”. The apt change, in my opinion, is, “Completion in progress”. Reason? All marriages are going through various stages of completion.
And don’t, for spite’s sake, ‘like’ all photos of babes with bootilicious bods. That’s a blow that will hurt. Be careful too, on the comments you make. Don’t say nothing to get back on nobody. Your words can be used against you in a court of love.
DON’T SPEED DIAL SHOCK JOCK 911
Again, cue in DC: “I’m not gon’ blast you on the radio/I’m better than that.”
If you’re dead serious about looking for a solution, don’t call a radio show. Nope. That’s not the place to look for answers. They’re all about ratings, not providing solutions.
You know how people take sides at such times? Don’t call in-laws or friends who have “HOME” and “AWAY” plastered on their jerseys. You will be in more drama if you act on every opinion given. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but the road to healing is paved with Godly intentions. Know the difference.
DON’T CHANGE TUNES
If, like me, you’re a music freak, and rhythm and rhyme takes you to places that no Mary Jane can; do not change your playlist. And don’t call her favourite FM station, request a diss song, and dedicate it to her.
Before separation kicked you in the backside, was your playlist the stuff mushy tunes are made of? Were you going on about how she was, a la Chris Brown, Fine China?
Now’s not the time to flip the script, and put Loyal, on repeat. Keep it positive. Even with sermons and talks. What’s going in through your ears will be reflected in your actions.
DON’T BE SINGLE AND MORE THAN WILLING TO MINGLE
Hitting the dating scene is, according to me, a no-no when you’re working on your issues. Separation is not a carte blanche to “mingle”.
On the contrary, it should be a quiet time. Time to take stock of your relationship. It’s not the time and opportunity to unsheathe your dating claws, tiger.
Look. You’re looking to make things better; not worse. You don’t want to further complicate issues. Don’t even think about prowling on the low-low, player. Know what? What’s done in darkness eventually comes to light…and usually bites you in the butt when you least expect.
DON’T THINK ABOUT DIVORCE
Delete the darn D-word from your mind and recycle bin. Don’t even think of thinking about it. That’s like trying to force a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Why, this too shall pass. Amen?
I’ve been there. I know separation anxieties can play sick games with your mind until you start buying into the crazy notion that this drama is the deal-breaker. Get out of that rut before it turns into sinking sand.
It’s about changing thought patterns. My Bible counsels me that, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. See that? “In his heart.” Not, “in his head”.
DON’T BE A _______
Go on, player. Fill in the blanks above with every expletive in the lexicon. From that one that starts with the letter b and rhymes with witch; and the one that starts with the letter a, and rhymes with whole.
(This is a family magazine. My Editor will not, even with a blindfold, let some terms to slide).
In the heat of the moment, one may lose their head. Don’t send SMSes, make phone calls or status updates that may say you’re a _________. Because? There are two things in the world that are l-o-o-n-g: a woman’s memory, and the arms of the law.
DON’T TAKE REVENGE
Uh-uh. It’s not in your hands. If you have to take revenge, do it by going down on your knees and praying for y’all. Remember that edict from Christ? He who has no sin to cast the first stone?
That oughtta put matters into perspective.
Even if you’ve been hurt, and you’re bleeding to death, be the bigger person. Don’t hit yours where you know it hurts. Like repossessing the drop-top.
Or the Louis Vuitton handbags and red sole Christian Louboutin heels you splurged on her. Nah. Don’t be the give and take joker.
Easy, bro. That’s just stuff. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
