There is no room in my life for mourning

Whoever came up with the phrase, ‘disability is in the mind’, must have had Fridah Kirema in mind.

Fridah, a 37-year-old mother of one, suffered a spinal injury during a road accident three years ago, an injury that left her unable to use her legs. She talks about how the accident changed her life, and why she thinks the last three years have been her most productive.

We meet on a Wednesday afternoon at her home in Embakasi, Nairobi. She ushers us in with a broad warm smile, no different from the one she wore before the accident. Her son, Muhammad Muthomi Yusuf, five, has just come back home from school, and is watching a cartoon.

In April 28 2012, Fridah was involved in a serious road accident along the Mai Mahiu-Narok road, an accident that radically altered her life.

Fridah, an administrator with the Nation Media Group, was travelling with a group of journalists to Kilgoris for a fundraising. In the same car was NTV’s Linus Kaikai, Richard Chacha, Ephantus Mwangi and Emmanuel Talam, a CCTV journalist.

Fridah and Chacha were injured so seriously, that the good samaritans who rushed to the scene assumed they were dead.

“Were it not for one of them, a gentleman called James Nkipai who rushed us to a nearby hospital, ignoring the crowd’s insistence that we were dead, I probably would not be telling this story today,” says Fridah, touched that Nkipai visited them in hospital several times, during the many months they were admitted in hospital.

She hardly recalls what happened after she got into the vehicle. All she has is a snapshot of them taking their seats, but after that, all she has is a blank. Her doctor explained to her that this could be due to the injury on her head.

The spinal injury left her in a coma, and paralysed from the waist downwards. In a race to save her life, doctors  performed a head surgery on the same day the accident happened, followed by a spinal surgery two days later.

By the time Fridah learnt that she had survived a brutal road accident and was in hospital, it was mid-May. She stayed in hospital for six more months, and was discharged in October.

A COUPLE OF ADJUSTMENTS

Back home, Fridah realised as soon as she was helped out of the car that she had to make a couple of adjustments.

To begin with, she needed to get a house on the ground floor, since she was now wheelchair-bound. She also needed to fit the house with ramps, to make movement easier. Even more important, she needed someone to help her with the many activities she could no longer do by herself, for instance bathing, using the toilet, and even getting into bed. 

“My life is no longer a private affair. Though necessary, it took quite some adjusting to get used to someone assisting me with the most intimate aspects of my life.”

However, with a two-year-old son, and a family that entirely depended on her, Fridah chose not to think about her sudden disability.

“I had to wake up and reintegrate back into normal life - I decided not to mourn for what I might never get back,” she says, adding that she had to be strong for her son, Muhammad, who initially did not understand why she could no longer walk.

“I told him about the road accident and assured him that I would still be the same mother he was used to, even though I could no longer walk.”

She adds,

“Deep down, I was worried, but I had to put on a face that concealed my fears, pains and worries, from him.”

Now five, Muhammad is no longer bothered that his mother no longer runs around with him like she used to.

 “When we go to the supermarket, he wheels me around, a ‘job’ that makes him feel important,” says Fridah, who ensures that she attends all his school functions. Fridah returned to work on November 1, 2012. The first thing she noted was that her memory was not as good as it was. For instance, she would  give someone an appointment for the next day, but would immediately forget about it. To deal with such shortcomings, she started writing down everything that was expected of her on a given day.

To date, her memory is not as sharp as before, but she can carry on with her daily work, with some assistance once in a while.

It helped immensely that her employer worked out a flexible working schedule for her, and transferred her office from the city centre to Mombasa Road for ease of mobility. She was also given an assistant, a thoughtful gesture she says made her feel valued by her employer.

“Not all employers would treat their employees with such consideration - I am grateful.”

FAMILY IS IRREPLACABLE

For Fridah, the support of her family has been crucial in helping her move on. Her mother and siblings have been especially supportive, and thanks to them, she did not despair when doctors told her that she might never walk again.

“The fact that I am alive and can still take care of my family gives me the motivation to face the day with a positive attitude,” she says. Some friends abandoned her after the accident.

 “I don’t blame them though; in fact, I am grateful because I am now surrounded by real friends, those who stuck with me when I was at my lowest - this is what real friendship is about.”

The cost implications of living with disability are huge - in  August 2013, her medical insurance provider pulled off the nursing care she was receiving at home. Apart from employing a helper, she also has to buy numerous nursing items, which have become part of her life. She also attends physiotherapy twice a week, as well as occupational therapy twice a month, which cost Sh2,500 a session.

“I have been on medication since the accident, so my medical insurance often runs out  - were it not for my employer who ensures that I can access medical care even when the money I am entitled to runs out, it would be a big burden on me.”

Big dreams

Before the accident, Fridah was studying for her MBA in Human Resource Management at Kenyatta University. In September last year, determined to complete her studies, she returned to school. It is a challenge, but she has promised herself to keep going until she gets her Master’s degree.

Her mobility is limited, but Fridah still dreams big and ‘walks’ with her head high.

Interestingly, she says that the last three years have been the most productive of her life.

“The accident made me start seriously thinking about my future. I have made several investments, something I had not even thought of doing before,” Frida explains with a somewhat embarassed chuckle.

 She has also influenced a few “important” changes around her. For instance, she got her bank to install ramps leading to the banking hall at her branch.

“I had to be lifted to get inside, but to my delight, on my third visit, I found that they had installed ramps.”

Previously a vocal voice for the inclusion of young people in government, Fridah has now shifted gears.

“God had the choice to take me, but he kept me. I think he kept me for a bigger responsibility – to advocate for the rights of those living with disability,” she says.

She is happy with the tax exemption currently provided by the government for those with various disabilities, however, the financial implications that come with living with a disability can weigh heavily on families.

“The government can provide items like catheters, hearing aids, glasses, walking sticks, disposable diapers and many others, at a subsidised cost. Even better, services like physiotherapy and occupational therapy can be made available at a lower cost in government hospitals,” she suggests.

She also feels that those living with disability should be given regular financial allowances, so that they can live decently like any other citizens.

She also proposes that the government considers giving incentives to private investors to encourage them to construct buildings that are disability-friendly. All these proposals are contained in an “agenda” she has been working on, and which she hopes will one day be realised. 

“It is us to speak about our challenges and the kind of assistance we require: most people with disability suffer in silence.”

Before the accident, Fridah enjoyed the outdoors – she loved going for golf tournaments, travelling, and going out shopping. However, after the accident, she only goes out when necessary, and instead spends her time reading and writing.

“I figured that I could either lock myself up in the house and mourn, or find something to keep my mind occupied, something that will make me grow. I thought I would feel trapped in this wheelchair, but I am discovering enjoyable activities I wouldn’t have, had that accident not happened.”

LIFE LESSONS

Besides broadening her perspective on the disabled, Fridah’s situation has taught her patience.

“I have had to give myself time to move from one stage of healing to another,” she shares.

She has had five operations, and is scheduled for a knee surgery sometime this year. Her legs have started to respond to touch, a development that fills her with hope.

 “My doctor says that my sensory nerves have started to regenerate - that is very poitive news. If I walk again, I will be very grateful, but if I don’t, I will keep soldering on,” she adds.

Her experience taught her that life can change overnight.

“I use every opportunity to advise my friends to have a fallback plan if life doesn’t work out the way they had anticipated - save, invest, and nurture  lasting relationships with everyone around you - your colleagues, friends, employer, employees, househelp - everyone.

Today, some of the relationships she invested in have been of great benefit to her.

“I am grateful to my employer, my bosses, my colleagues and my sacco, who have stood by me during the three most challenging years of my life.”

“Above all, I will be eternally grateful to James Nkipai, whose selflessness saved my life, and my niece, Yvonne Nkirote, who assists me with every aspect of my life, yet never complains - to her and to me family, thank you for embracing me and my son.”