WIFESPEAK: Women play hard to get because they have choices

How do I tell the facts of life to Simon, a man in his mid-thirties, who recently shared his frustrations with me about this girl he likes? As he puts it; “She is playing hard to get.” PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • She has read tons of books, so she will be refreshing to talk to. Also, since women tend to talk way much more than men, a man would rather have intelligent, interesting conversation for the rest of his life.

  • At any one time, a girl has at least five guys seriously pursuing her.

  • What is she supposed to do? A smart woman will take her sweet time to gauge the intentions of each of these guys.

How do I tell the facts of life to Simon, a man in his mid-thirties, who recently shared his frustrations with me about this girl he likes? As he puts it; “She is playing hard to get.”

When I warned him that I might just write about his experience one day, he shrugged and gave me the go ahead.

“I have sent flowers, gone online and found cute love messages which I have sent her, called her regularly, but still, she is playing hard to get,” he told me, looking frustrated.

“Are you sure that she is not dating someone else?” I asked.

He assured me that she is not. He has the inside story from her best friend, and incidentally, the girl likes him, but she is not sure of his intentions.

“So, what’s a guy supposed to do to show a girl that he likes her? Propose to her?” he asked, finding it unbelievable that he had met a girl who had not fallen for his easy charm.

It is simple. Let me make something clear for all the eligible bachelors facing this dilemma. When you come across a lovely single girl, who also happens to be busy building her life and career, and she is quite happy in her skin, you will definitely fall for her.  And so will 15 other men.

That is a fact of life Simon. And yes, she has received a bunch of flowers and sweet messages from other five men keen on her.

This is because, just like you, a normal man finds a beautiful confident girl who earns her own living, very attractive. This is because he instinctively knows, given her resourcefulness, that were something to happen to him, she would be able to take care of his offspring.  Such a girl is also great company.

REFRESHING TO TALK TO

She has read tons of books, so she will be refreshing to talk to. Also, since women tend to talk way much more than men, a man would rather have intelligent, interesting conversation for the rest of his life.

At any one time, a girl has at least five guys seriously pursuing her. What is she supposed to do? A smart woman will take her sweet time to gauge the intentions of each of these guys.

She will need to sieve them, do background checks, and eliminate some before she finally settles on one. Since they cannot go out to hunt a lion to prove their worth, a man needs to put in effort.

“Mwanaume ni effort,” I tell Simon, and add that he needs to be persistent and persevere if he wants to win. When you are looking and you come across what might be a good thing, then you need to put in the sweat and creativity to get it.

“There are many other fish in the sea, why bother!” Simon exclaimed in frustration.

“Alright, then you go fish them out,” I said.

After a while, he asked me, “But what if this is the only fish I want?”

I smiled.

“I cannot remember the last time I had to organise my thoughts before calling a girl. She wants me to write grammatical sentences when sending a text!”

 But of course! A girl who plays hard to get is worth pursuing. If she has not told you to keep off, or indicated that she is taken, then keep up the effort. She needs to know that besides the other five guys, you are the one with the most decent, sincere intentions with her. And trust me, once she proves this to be the case, you will know what the love of a good woman means, so don’t give up just yet, brother.