I’ve been through it all, yet I am still standing

Fatma Likuyi is only 31, but if she gave you her story, you would think she has lived two lifetimes.

She has gone through a series of misfortunes, near-tragedies that might have driven even the most strong-willed person to give up on life. But this young woman picked herself up time and again, refusing to be cowed to submission.

Here is her story of resilience.

When she was only 15, Fatma’s step-mother married her off to a 36-year-old man. Her father, who had separated from her biological mother when she was two, had just died. As her step-mother sent her off to her new home, she assured her that the ‘benefactor’ she was going to live with would pay her school fees.

“I was terrified of leaving the only home I knew to go live with a stranger, but I consoled myself that at least this stranger would take me to school,” she says.

When Fatma got there however, she quickly realised that there would be no more school for her, that her ‘benefactor’ was actually her ‘husband’!

CAME THE BOMBSHELL

At 15, the young and naïve Fatma had no idea how to play wife, but her ‘husband’ was a willing teacher, who patiently taught her ‘wifely’ responsibilities such as how to cook, clean the house and please him in bed .

“It was traumatic,” is how she describes those first few months of her forced ‘marriage’.

Resigned to fate, Fatma adjusted to her new life, even though she cringed every time her in-laws called her ‘Shemeji’.

The pregnancy came almost immediately after her ‘marriage’, and when labour beckoned nine months later, she was sure it would kill her, painful it was.

At the last minute, doctors decided to perform a caesarean section, after they discovered that her birth canal was too narrow for the baby to safely travel through.

She would later learn that during the operation, she bleed too much, forcing the doctors to do a blood transfusion that saved her life.

Though Fatma had viewed the pregnancy as an unwanted burden, when she held her baby boy in her arms, she temporarily forgot how much she hated her life. Everyone, including her husband and over-joyed in-laws, also doted on her son.

Two weeks later however, when she went back to hospital for a check-up, one of the doctors dropped a bombshell – in the race to save her life, they had used unscreened blood, which they realised much later had the HIV-virus.

At that age, the only ‘certain’ knowledge she had about HIV was that when you got it, you died.

“Miserable as my life was, I did not want to die, and so I cried my heart out, wondering why life was so cruel to me.”

She says that the doctors apologised profusely, and no, it did not occur to her or her husband to sue the hospital, especially when it took charge of their ‘mistake’, and enrolled her at a clinic for HIV counselling and treatment and even provided formula milk for her son for the next six months.

Her husband, she says, was unusually supportive after this, though he felt that they should keep her status between the two of them.

But then something devastating happened in 2000. Her doctor prescribed for her new anti-retroviral drugs.

The side effects were almost immediate. To begin with, one side of her body became paralysed, and a short while later, she lost her sight. Completely. Though she repeatedly sought medical help, no doctors were able to decipher what had caused the blindness, never once suspecting the medication she was taking.

As her health deteriorated, so did her relationship with her husband, and at one point, there were whispers of an affair, whispers that he did not bother to deny. What made it even more painful was the fact that she was pregnant with her second child.

LOVELESS MARRIAGE

“Our marriage had become so intolerable, that when I gave birth, he made me sleep in the kitchen with my baby,” she recalls.

Fatma says that were it not for the thought of her children, she would have gladly welcomed death.

“Imagine being in a loveless marriage, struggling with poor health and the stigma that follows those with HIV, looking after a demanding young child, and to make it worse, suddenly losing your sight.”

It is a visiting Canadian doctor who finally solved the six-year riddle that was her blindness.

Fatma had heard of Sabatia Eye Hospital in Western Kenya, a non-profit health facility, and decided to visit, to see whether they could at least tell her the cause of her blindness.

“I had made numerous visits to various hospitals to have my eyes checked, and was used to disappointment – but I still allowed myself a little bit of hope,” she narrates.

After doing various tests, the doctor finally asked Fatma if she was taking any other medication besides the one prescribed for her eyes.

She took out the ARV’s she was taking – it took him just a glance to single out the problem; he explained that it was possible one of the drugs, Stavudine, was not compatible with her body’s immune system, and could be the cause of her blindness. He  wrote a letter and asked her to hand it over to the clinic where she collected her ARVs.

She was immediately taken off the medication and put on a new treatment. Five months later her sight was restored. However, her marriage did not get any better. Feeling empowered by her restored sight, and tired of the ill treatment she was getting at home, Fatma decided to seek a divorce. Her unrepentant husband granted it to her, and even went ahead to move in with his mistress.

Free, she left for Mombasa, and moved in with a step-sister, who helped to look after her eldest son, then in Class Five.

Once she got her footing, she rented a house and took her two sons with her. She admits that it was not easy, especially since she relied on menial jobs like washing laundry for a fee to survive. But she welcomed the hard work in only a way that someone who has been helpless for six years can. Even more important, she was happy and at peace.

“I had been used to criticism, ridicule and abuse - it was relief coming home to a quiet house and unconditional love from my children.”

No one knew about her HIV status here, and she enjoyed the anonymity, especially since there was no stigma to deal with. A few years later however, Fatma came across a Community Health Workers (CHW) group, whose members also included HIV-positive people, who conducted door-to-door awareness campaigns during their free time.

“I noticed that they did not seem burdened by their status, and even freely talked about it as if it was no big deal, that is when I realised that I had not fully accepted my status, that I was still imprisoned by it.”

NEW PURPOSE

On a whim, she disclosed her status to them, and told them a bit of her life story. Moved by her experience, they offered to support her whenever she was unable to fend for herself and the children.

She also joined the group, and through their assistance, she studied social work. After completing her training, she was posted to Bomu Clinic in Mombasa as a paid CHW. Her core job is to counsel those with HIV and teach them the importance of living healthy.

“Going public about my status has been of great benefit to me – I am not only enthusiastic about life, I have a purpose and a reason for waking up every day,” she says.

Her sons are outstanding students, so outstanding in fact, they got a sponsor to pay for their education. Her first born, who is now in Form One, scored 400 marks in last year’s KCPE exams, while her second born is in Class Four, and has always been among the top six since he joined Class One.

Their proud mother has no doubt that they have a bright future ahead of them.

At the beginning of last year, Fatma was diagnosed with cervical cancer. She took it really badly, and even stopped taking her ARV’s for a spell.

“My life was finally moving smoothly, then I learnt that I had cancer – how unlucky can one person get? I didn’t think I had the strength to handle it, so I decided to stop fighting.”

Had it not been for the encouragement of her clinical advisor, Amina Aziz, who is also a  public health officer in Kisauni, Fatma is sure she would have died.

“I found out about the cancer during a free screening…the news depressed me. I stopped eating and taking my ARVs - my CD4 count shot from 1200 to 600 in a month. I was staring at death.”

Thankfully, the cancer was in the first stage, and after treatment, she was declared cancer-free.

Love at last!

In the midst of all this, Fatma met and fell in love with a man who thinks that she is the most outstanding woman in the world. The two plan to get married sometime this year.

“This time round, I have chosen for myself the man I want to get married to, and will go to his home willingly – I am so happy.”