Sometimes, things do not work out as planned

Cometh the day, cometh the hour– the fixture that, like the March 11, 2011, Japan earthquake, literally moves the earth on its axis. This is the English version of the Super Bowl.

In geographical terms, it would probably rival the formation of the Great Rift Valley and the Niagara Falls in greatness.

It’s the age-old rivalry that has floated around water masses alongside single-celled organisms, frozen through the Ice Age, ridden on the fierce backs of the sabre-toothed tiger and flown on the wings of the pterodactyl.

Like a bull before a matador in a ring, Manchester United lowers its neck, cantilevered by thick thoroughbred muscles bridging the jaws to the shoulders. The bull narrows its vision, thunders a wet puff to the side and digs into the ground with its hooves.

The charge proceeds. This is United this weekend as they ride their way to Arsenal. The red chariot, fiery and fierce, races on from north-west England into London.

With the rewarding of Daley Blind and David De Gea for shouting their respiratory tracts out for country being the doctor’s bed and some milligrams of aspirin and paracetamol, United’s defence is as thin as sliced bread.

VALIANT MEN
The team is now left with the likes of Blackett and Valencia, men whose greatest achievements in the United jersey have been managing to randomly disappear for 40 minutes on the pitch and comfortably making water of Scott Carpenter’s harrowing “disappearing from the radar” experience after his orbit round space.

These, ladies and gentlemen, are the valiant men to cover against Alexis Sanchez. Louis van Gaal will not even be able to call on Víctor Valdés to replace his injured De Gea as he, too, is still recovering from a knee knock.

Elsewhere, while the rest of the friendlies and qualifiers in the world went on with relative calm, Croats grew impatient of either their players, the 90 minutes of football, or time that they just deemed to be moving too slowly.

They did all those sorts of things you would expect in an Arabian spring protest. The Croatia coach, Niko Kovac admitted: “It’s not the first time and it’s not accidental.

I hope the bodies in charge will find a way to solve the problem because it paints a bad picture of Croatia.
“I was ashamed and apologised to the Italians after the game. There were families with children up there.” Expressing his first concern that there shouldn’t be violence in the presence of children.

“If someone has a problem, he has to deal with it outside the stadium,” he further advised, against his last concern that fights and riots should be outside the stadium.

WORLD CUP HOSTS
Meanwhile, the German league president has sprung up from his table, clasped his whistle hard and blown thrice to signal the end of jokes.

He has further asked FIFA to publish its report on the awarding of the World Cup hosting to Qatar and Russia or else the UEFA will consider pulling out of FIFA. Finally.

Meanwhile, in Spain, or Argentina, or even England (since they played their midweek fixture at old Trafford) Lionel Messi has been listening to Katy Perry.

“After that, we’ll see,” he blew hot and cold when asked if he was still planning to stay at Barça for his entire professional career. “Things can change a lot in soccer.

“While I have always said I would like to stay there (at Barça) forever, sometimes things do not work out the way you would like.”