What type of ‘Facebooker’ are you?

Strolling through the streets of Facebook always turns out to be an interesting trip. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • The mouthpiece is an influential person on Facebook who is interested in talking on behalf of someone else.
  • In the run-up to the August 8 elections, the mouthpieces’ plate will be full as they will be busy speaking on behalf of aspirants!
  • They are openly voicing support for their candidates. Good thing is that mouthpieces know that Kenyans do not ‘vote on Facebook’, they vote on the ground.

Strolling through the streets of Facebook always turns out to be an interesting trip. A quick glance reveals the diversity of opinions and the shocking number of “experts” on various subject matters. Users will sometimes wait with bated breath for their opinions, even tagging them on posts so that they can comment.

But FB, as it is popularly referred to, is not just a hub of experts. It is also a haven for hawkers, ‘psychologists’, ‘therapists’ and ‘stone-throwers’

We look at some of the different Facebook personalities below.

THE MOUTHPIECE

This is a hot season for the mouthpiece. The mouthpiece is an influential person on Facebook who is interested in talking on behalf of someone else. In the run-up to the August 8 elections, the mouthpieces’ plate will be full as they will be busy speaking on behalf of aspirants! They are openly voicing support for their candidates. Good thing is that mouthpieces know that Kenyans do not ‘vote on Facebook’, they vote on the ground. It is interesting how political aspirants in Kenya believe that mouthpieces can indeed convert Facebook likes into actual votes.

On rare occasions, the mouthpiece will be talking for an aggrieved party who was not ‘treated well’ at a retail store, a local hotel, or an airline.

THE HAWKERS

These hawkers hop onto every popular post to sell their wares, which range from chickens, eggs, sukuma wiki and mitumba clothes.  Unlike regular hawkers, they own stores, only that they are virtual ones. They know too well that Facebook is a busy street with lots of people going about their business. They are our Facebook ‘friends’ and some are people that we have met just once in our lives. It never seems to matter to them what the tone of the post is. Sometimes it is a serious post, perhaps even announcing a death!

The other habit that annoys some of us is when those slimming-pill hawkers clog our inboxes with their weight-reducing ‘solutions’. Hawkers, who said that some little fat is bad? Who said slim is more beautiful? Facebook hawkers, especially those peddling slimming pills and slimming diets, need a Facebook business etiquette session. Someone, please anyone, design a programme for them. I will pay for that.

THE PROBLEM SOLVERS

Once someone posts a dilemma on Facebook, the problem solvers come in droves to dissect it. These are the people armed with “knowledge”. They each come with knowledge based on their different schools of thought and perhaps drawn from life experiences. They dissect any issue, be it legal, medical, educational, financial or social. They are the people who will advise you on the kind of makeover that you require in order to stick to a budget, what kind of car is ideal for your situation, how to deal with a nosy neighbour and how to ”tame” your inquisitive mother-in-law. They will even ‘diagnose’ your medical issue and give you possible ‘remedies’, they are called “Doctor Mwitu’s”. At the end of it, these experts will leave you feeling “sorted”, though they are not professionals.  Drama ensues when once in a while, their views conflict with one another and they do not hesitate to correct one another on the spot!

THE PREACHERS

This is not your ordinary preacher but a serious leader of the Facebook church. They post prayers and sermons on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning. Prayers and sermons of optimism. Then faithful Facebookers will comment Amen.

This is followed by doses of Bible verses in the course of the day. These days, some of the most popular Facebook preachers will not hesitate to go ‘Live’ with a sermon here and there. Interestingly, you will find that their fans watch them more than their ordinary church pastors.

STONE THROWERS

These are very interesting characters on Facebook and before you upload any post, you should be aware of them. In fact, you should be expecting them, and if possible be ready to give way to them to tear apart your post and trend with it.

Stone throwers are highly critical people who also come out as having more knowledge of the issue under discussion than the original writer of the post. They check for inconsistencies, dig for loopholes and question. At the end of it, if you do not measure up to their expectations and the substance of your post, they will judge you harshly. They will tear you apart before they tear your post to little virtual pieces.

But relax, not all stone throwers are bad. Indeed, the most informed stone throwers, and there are many on Facebook; will always give you new insights and perspectives on the issue under discussion. They will lead you to new knowledge. Upload that post.

RELATIONSHIP FIXERS

These are the seemingly knowledgeable people who have useful advice for all your relationship woes. On reading their comments about a relationship issue you get the feeling that they have fixed it there and then. But on digging their lives further, of course from their timelines and comments in other pages, and from those that know them, you get a little surprise. They are still single, or could even be divorced. Yet they have all the tips to keep a relationship together at their fingertips. You wonder why they do not apply the same knowledge to resolve this puzzle… Hey there relationship expert. Facebook needs you.

What kind of ‘Facebooker’ are you?

 

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