ASK CINDY: Should I date a man I don't like?

He is quite well off and a couple of times he has given me money that came in very handy. The problem is, I do not like him much, at least not enough to want to date him. What would you do in my position?

Friday February 12 2016

I am a single mother of a two-year-old girl. I

I am a single mother of a two-year-old girl. I have been struggling financially with her, doing menial jobs to provide for her since her father refused to take responsibility. PHOTO| FILE NATION MEDIA GROUP

Dear Cindy,

I am a single mother of a two-year-old girl. I have been struggling financially with her, doing menial jobs to provide for her since her father refused to take responsibility. I am a graduate, but I cannot look for a job until my daughter is old enough to go to

school since I cannot afford a househelp.

Now, there is this man who has been asking me out. He is quite well off and a couple of times he has given me money that came in very handy. The problem is, I do not like him much, at least not enough to want to date him. What would you do in

my position?

Jackie

I would get confused, just the way you are right now. Do not feel like a bad person for your thoughts, I think they are pretty human. But you have to think long-term. You have to think whether you can live with the decisions you are making right now.

The easier option would be to agree to date this man, but how long can you live a lie with him? What will you do financially if he realises that you do not like him enough, because eventually he will?

You have survived without anybody’s help for two years. True, it has been hard, but you did it. Your baby is big enough to go to day care, so you can look for better jobs. Having a man support you is not a job; that is using somebody and if your conscience

cannot handle that, you are in for many sleepless nights. Keep fighting. You are not the first single mother, nor will you be the last; many are doing absolutely well, so being a single mother is not an excuse for failure.

I also think you are too comfortable “struggling” Do not be afraid to think big, then act big. I hope you will say no to this man’s money in the future, tell him you are not ready for a

commitment and that you feel bad taking his money. All the best.

 

Dear Cindy,

I am 18 years old and living with parents who fight all the time. I am an only child and have no memory of my parents being on good terms. We live in a very tense household. Whenever I ask my mom why they cannot just break up, she tells me that she

wants me to grow up with both of them. I love them both, but I also hate them both sometimes. I prefer to spend time with my aunt, but my mother does not like that either. I am happier with my aunt, and she does not mind me moving in with her, but she is afraid of my mother. Please help, I cannot take this anymore.

Linda

 

Sometimes, parents make decisions they think are beneficial to their children but clearly, they just harm them. Stay put with your mother. Since you are 18, I imagine you have either completed high school or  are about to.

You have done this for 18 years, you can do it one more year. After that, you will probably go to college and stay away. You will also be more or less an adult and can make decisions but remember, they will be paying your school fees so you will still have

to abide by some of their rules. What you could do is, approach your grandmother or somebody similar to speak to your parents. But before that, talk to your parents. Tell them you are not happy. It might hurt them, but they will know the truth and be

forced to face it. All the best.