ASK CINDY: My cousin wants to have a sexual relationship with me

Dear Cindy,

I have a cousin who is in love with me. Last week she even wanted to go all the way with me but I refused. I am so confused whether to do it or not. How should I explain to her, how do I deal with this?

John

The safest thing to do right now is to run, seriously! Run whenever you see her, do not give yourself a chance to be alone with her, especially in a room. You are obviously attracted to her, otherwise you would not be this tempted, but you do have a sense

of “consequences”, which could be massive. People have affairs, but most of them do not lead to marriage, especially one between close relatives.

What you need to worry about it is, if you sleep with her and your relationship does not lead to marriage (this is the most likely outcome), how will you relate with her? It’s not like you can totally avoid her because I imagine there will be family gatherings and other occasions.

Besides, imagine, if your relatives found out; what would happen? Let me just tell you that if they found out, you, being the man, would be blamed, honestly.

So what you need to tell her is that you are not interested. If she persists, tell her that you will tell on her. She might think you are a sissy for wanting to tell, but there is so much more at risk than being thought of as a sissy.

She might refuse to talk to you when you hurt her pride like that but one day she will appreciate that you were the man, and you said no. All the best.

Dear Cindy,

I have been dating my boyfriend for five years. I found out that he has been cheating on me. When I confronted him, he denied it, but then one of his girlfriends texted me and he finally admitted it. Since then, he has changed – whenever I tell him that we need to talk, he says okay, but we never get to talk. I love him very much since he is my first. He does not even want me to post things on Facebook and he will not talk to me. Please help.

Jane

I wonder what you expect him to do to make you understand that he is not interested in you anymore. Whatever you had for five years, or at least before he started cheating on you, is obviously gone. The minute he admitted that he was cheating on you, you should have got the message and packed your bags and left.

The minute he started controlling what you post on your Facebook page, you should have realised you have a man with issues, issues too big for any woman to handle, and you should have left. The minute he promised you that you would talk about your relationship but you never actually get to talk, you should have realised that you are not that important to him, that appeasing you is no longer a priority.

Leave that man before he turns you into an extremely miserable woman. You say you love him very much because he is your first? Well, that is the lamest reason for loving someone – you are just afraid of getting out of something that you were used to.

Well, get out, it is not working.  He is your first, but he is not the last man on earth.

You are showing him  that you are desperate and he will lap it up, he will use it to control you the way he is already controlling what you post on Facebook.

He will be telling you to jump and you will be asking how high. He is your first, so you are not doing too badly. You need to take him as a learning step, the things you did wrong, the mean things you allowed him to do to you.

Do not allow him, or anyone else, to do them again. Move on, this relationship is dead, and you better leave while you still have some dignity left. All the best.