ASK CINDY: My friend only calls me when she wants something

Friday February 19 2016

I have this friend who talks to me only when she needs something from me. I call her often just to say hello, but she never does the same. PHOTO| FILE 

By ASK CINDY

Dear Cindy,

I have this friend who talks to me only when she needs something from me. I call her often just to say hello, but she never does the same. Whenever she calls me, I just know that she wants something from me, usually money, even when she hasn’t repaid previous debts. Please help.

Jenny

 

First, that is no friend, so stop referring to her as such, and stop thinking of her as such. At least you know that this is a one-way relationship; you are the one who likes her, she does not like you. She has worked you out well, she knows you cannot resist

her, she knows she can get anything from you, and she is milking it. You might find her charming, but she is unhealthy to be around.

You need to stop calling her, picking her calls, and lending her money. She is using you, and you know it. She takes your money and laughs at you. She probably tells her real friends that she knows this silly girl who would do anything for her, that silly girl

being you.

I say cut her off immediately, and concentrate on friends who want to be around you simply because they like you, not because you will lend them money. That ‘friend’ is not worth it, walk away and don’t look back.

Dear Cindy,

I am jobless, and my friend has offered me a place to stay as I sort myself out. She and her husband go to work in the morning, but sometimes her husband hangs around.

Recently, he started making passes at me, which makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I have known my friend  for a very long time, so I wouldn’t even think of betraying her. At the same time, I am afraid that her husband might give her the impression that I am interested in him to get back at me for ignoring his overtures.

I do not know whether to tell her or not, especially because she might not believe me because she is always telling me what a lovely husband she has. What do I do?

Margaret

 

The first thing you should do is get out of that house. If you continue being their guest, the risk will increase and the stakes will get higher. If you value your friendship with your host, you will make immediate arrangements to move out of her home.

You say you have known her for long, and it is clear she likes and respects you; not many people are willing to open their house to you, especially when there is a husband involved. Women tend to be territorial.

Do not give her a reason to doubt you, a reason to regret her generous gesture.

Next time her husband tries something, tell him candidly that you are not interested. Tell him that you promise not to tell on him, if he promises never to try anything silly with you.

If you can, record that conversation, it might come in handy because you never know what his injured pride might make him do. I would say do not tell your friend about her husband; she will most likely

think that you are jealous of what she has, especially

if she really believes she has a good relationship. Let them be.

Do not wait for things to blow up while you’re still there. They might blame you for anything and everything that might happen because you would be the easiest to blame. You will find a job eventually,

and there must be somewhere you can put up, seeing what a loyal friend you are.