Can a woman in her 40s still find the right man?

At this age she is mature, has made some money for herself and is very choosy about the kind of man she would want to hook up with. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • I have this friend who is in her early 40s, single, but has one child. She is still absolutely gorgeous and turns male heads left, right and centre; the girl even causes traffic to slow down. She is a gym enthusiast and her dressing style shows the number of hours she spends in the gym.

  • Until a couple of years ago, she thought she was a happy spinster.

  • Call it the effects of ageing, call it change of heart, even call it the realisation that she is not going to have the male choice meat for much longer, no matter the number of hours she spends in the gym.

Forever young. Eighteen till I die! There are tens of terms women use to describe the ageing process, a million ways to deal with the denial of the appearance of wrinkles at the outer corner of the eyes, otherwise known as crow’s feet or — if you want to be politically correct — laughter lines, sagging skin in certain places and slow metabolism.

But ageing, by any other name, is ageing. And it is unstoppable. It is also hard to control, unless you do some nip here and tuck here, but age is un-trickable.

If it were up to women, they would not age; they would be 50 years old but still have the looks of a 25-year-old. Of course, nobody minds the wisdom that comes with age.

I have this friend who is in her early 40s, single, but has one child. She is still absolutely gorgeous and turns male heads left, right and centre; the girl even causes traffic to slow down. She is a gym enthusiast and her dressing style shows the number of hours she spends in the gym.

Until a couple of years ago, she thought she was a happy spinster. Call it the effects of ageing, call it change of heart, even call it the realisation that she is not going to have the male choice meat for much longer, no matter the number of hours she spends in the gym.

She does not know why she wants to get married, but she wants to. For two years, she has been on the lookout for a potential man, but disappointment pitches  tent at every corner. Why?

Well, there are a few facts women in their prime (otherwise known as the 40s, yeah) have learnt about men. For starters,they are so much wiser. They have heard it all before; there is probably no new chat-up line a man can impress her with. Chat-up lines only make   this type  of woman roll her eyes. She says yes to a man only because she wants to, not because he was all so convincing and charming.

At her age, there are three types of men interested in her, none of them choice meat. Topping the list is the young man in his 20s, usually a college student. My friend would look good beside any man, and she has enough money. This college man is looking for a rich woman to amuse, one who can finance his college lifestyle and for your information, that includes his 20-year-old college girlfriend. He is not what she is looking for.

Then there is the married guy looking for a safe fling. There is a misconception that men who cheat gravitate towards pretty little things. The truth is, most mean who cheat want a mature woman, one who will not blackmail him or threaten to tell his wife if he refuses to take her to Naks Vegas, one who will not make emotional midnight calls, one who will not send him revealing photos that his wife might see, one who will not throw a tantrum if he cancels a date when called by the first lady. She is not interested in that kind of man either.

And then there is the one who is looking for a second wife. You know, the guy who married at the age of 23, who has never really had time to explore the world because he was busy making the millions. In his 50s, he has the millions but feels short-changed because he never got to “enjoy his manhood”. This man is not interested in the pretty young things either, as he could never keep up with their energy and drama, but he needs a woman to explore with. Unfortunately his wife is happier tending to the kitchen garden and besides, there are some things members of Woman’s Guild and Mothers’ Union are not supposed to do, like wear a bikini. He wants a second wife, one who will not want children and can wear a bikini.

My friend does not want any of the above men. What she wants is a single man, preferably with  children because she is not interested in changing nappies at her age. Of course, he should be  financially stable, and not because she wants his money, but because she does not want to be the official breadwinner; she knows that men who can stand tall financially have more confidence. She wants a man who is physically fit; she does not spend all those hours in the gym just to surrender herself to a blob.

I have politely told her to dream on, but I could be wrong. Is there a man out there for my friend?

Disclaimer: I am not helping her look for a man, I just want to know if she should give up.