When you hate your partner

How horrible it must be to live with someone you do not love, someone you have never loved. I think it is one of the worst emotional punishments you can inflict on anyone. But it happens,  and way too often.

Picture this; guy gets in the sack with a girl, she gets pregnant. He does not love her enough to marry her, but girl believes the bond brought about by the baby will make him love her, so she befriends the man’s parents.

She is not a bad girl, so the relatives actually like her and they hope that their son would marry her. Trouble is, he does not love her.

In the meantime, man gets another girlfriend he loves. Baby mama hears about it – predictably, she is upset, but because she is determined to keep up appearances with the man’s parents, she keeps her cool and starts dying slowly inside.

Somehow, she and the man end up in the sack again – proof is in the fact that she gets pregnant by him, again!

Pause the story as I dissect the above; first, the man claims not to love baby mama, but I can count at least two times he has slept with her – there could be other times in between but I have no proof. I refuse to send him to hell for this sin because some people are okay sleeping with people they do not like. I suppose a certain degree of self-hate is involved, I wouldn’t know, it aint my shoe and to each their own.

Two: I shall conclude that the girl is on the dense side of life. The man did not settle down with her after the first baby, is it not dense to think that he would do it after the second baby?

CURSED BED

Same old same old advice – you cannot keep doing the same thing and expect a different outcome. But, methinks she was counting on pressure from his parents.

Yes, the parents create a ruckus, demand that he take responsibility. He gives in to the pressure and allows baby mama to move into his house.

But he is far from a model husband. Days after she moves into his house, he moves into the new girlfriend’s house. He pays rent, buys food for baby mama – he provides, but he is absent. You can force a person to marry someone, but you cannot make them love that person – the man’s parents should have kept out of it.

After months of physical and emotional neglect, baby mama huffs back to her parents. Good move, perhaps a tad too late, but better late than never. Two weeks after baby mama moves out, he moves in with the now pregnant girlfriend.

Allow one to dissect that situation again; what woman, in her right mind, knowingly, moves into the same house, same bed, uses same spoon, as her predecessor, who most likely cried herself to sleep in the same bed every night?

That bed is cursed, girlfriend – if you are going to move in, make him buy everything new – even better, move into a different house. My take.

It is easy for us to condemn the man for his cruelty – it’s always easier to blame the man when relationships do not work out, they are supposed to have thicker skins, but really, should the man be condemned to an unhappy life because he could not keep it zipped?

Then we might  as well condemn three quarters of the male population. So they have children together, but would the children be happy being brought up by unhappy parents? 

The two should share the blame equally, some blame should go to the man’s parents as well.  

The above analogy is not about hating one’s spouse after marriage – it is about getting into a relationship with someone you are sure will never, ever, make you happy.