Donkey kicks have made me wary of helping out

People can make it very difficult for the benevolent. Often rewarding them with donkey kicks for their troubles. FILE PHOTO | NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • My stuff was stolen, I can only be thankful that my handbag was at the front seat and I suppose the guy seated beside me did not get a chance to unzip it.

  • They robbed me, and I enabled them when I helped them.

  • When I next met them (yes, the shameless humans had the guts to say hello to me when we next met), I had no energy to confront them.

I have a perpetual fear of giving lifts to people I do not know very well. I understand that I am often misconstrued as unhelpful, uptight and possibly proud, especially because I live in a village where everybody is supposed to have everybody’s back.

I am none of the above; in fact, I wish I could give a lift to all little children walking to school in the cutting Limuru cold, same way I wish I could take all the old women to their destination.

In short, I wish I could save the world, but I have made peace with the fact that no single man can save the world.

Back to why I fear having borderline strangers in the car. Many, many years ago, I gave a lift to three men I ‘knew’. Granted, I did not know them well enough and I did not even know their names. But I had seen them around enough times, and we always said hello. So when I found them at the bus stop, I had no qualms stopping for them.

Only an hour later did I realise what a grave mistake I had made. The two men seated at the back must have been armed with screwdrivers, demonstrated by the fact that after they left, I realised that anything in the car that could be unscrewed had been unscrewed.

My stuff was stolen, I can only be thankful that my handbag was at the front seat and I suppose the guy seated beside me did not get a chance to unzip it.

They robbed me, and I enabled them when I helped them.

When I next met them (yes, the shameless humans had the guts to say hello to me when we next met), I had no energy to confront them.

But let’s just say I now need to know you extremely well to let you that close to me.

HORNS OF A DILEMMA

Being helpful to the proverbial neighbour can be very tricky. Take a driver employed by a company that forbids un-authorised passengers in company cars.

So, should such a driver come across a stranded neighbour, what is he supposed to do? If he gives the neighbour a ride, he will be breaking company rules.

It is just as bad enough if he leaves the person stranded – he will be thought of as unhelpful and that is also a sure way of making enemies. Is there a right thing to do in this case?

I suppose he could offer a ride and hope the employer never finds out, but is the point all about being found out or doing the right thing? What a catch 22.

Picture someone who has no seats in their house. A neighbour, who knows about lack of seats in his neighbour's house, decides to donate the old seats after he buys new seats.

The right thing for the formerly seat-less neighbour to do is get down on his knees and thank God for using the neighbour to make him owner of seats.

This is not what happened when a person I know was given seats. Instead, they were very upset and expressed their ‘disgust’ to anyone within earshot; ‘so, I look like the person you dump useless old seats to, eh?’ By the way he still kept the seats.

What is wrong with such a person? Did he want the neighbour to buy him new seats? However, let us not be haste in judging; humans are a complicated lot.

He knew he needed the seats,  but his ego was just hurt because the world, through the neighbour, acknowledged that he needed help, his natural instinct was to salvage some pride by being hurt that someone thought he needed help.

FROM THE HEART

People can make it very difficult for the benevolent – often giving them donkey kicks for their helping troubles. But that should not be a reason not to help.

There is something called anonymous helping. Make use of your local chief or church and ask them not to disclose your identity. Unless, of course, you are vying for a political seat.

People should not help “under pressure” because helping, after all, is not about people thinking what a lovely person you are for helping them – leave that to the politicians.

Helping should come straight from the heart, not because you are doing some cheap PR for yourself. Helping is therapeutic and should leave you smiling with happiness, not smug because people think you are all that.

Of great importance, helping should not be flaunted. If you are helping, keep it to yourself, unless, again, you need to keep score for political purposes.