How to be A fashion blogger and socialite

Somebody asked me the other day:  “What are three must-haves if you want to be a socialite or a fashion blogger today?”

Well, I don’t know how those two are related because one lives on adoration and tucking in their tummy for photos and the other one is a socialite.

I have never thought about that question before, so it threw me off a bit but I regained my composure and thought about it. Ok, I just scrolled through photos of some of the top fashion bloggers and a few socialites.

To be a fashion blogger is really easy; own a camera. Always look down or up when taking photos. Does that look make you soft, cuter, younger?

Does it make you look shy? Is “shy” something men look out for these days?

Will we at some point in the future hear a husband saying he fell in love with the wife because she wouldn’t look him in the eye? I have so many questions.

WILLING PHOTOGRAPHER

You will need someone to be taking all your photos and they will never get credit anywhere in your blogs or Instagram pages.

For this role, you will need a man so deep in the friend zone, that to get him out, you will need to call on Jesus.

There are a few bloggers who use professional cameramen, so they are out of this group, but they started here.

Such a guy will be willing to take all your photos thinking that this will be one of the ways you can accept him as your boyfriend and future husband.

He does not want credit because he knows the day you will summon him and give him the instruments of power will be enough payment.

This guy will always be with you. I don’t think these fashion bloggers go through life asking strangers to take their photos then they end up staring on the floor with one hand on the head.

From what I have learnt, asking a stranger to help you take a picture never works. They probably don’t know how to do so, and they end up on your Whatsapp, reading all your group messages.

Is there anything more destructive than a Whatsapp group? When God finally asks why we wasted years He blessed us with, we will look back and blame Whatsapp groups.

These groups are the most time, data and charge consuming things you will ever need. One of the reason Kenya Power keeps recording crazy profits is because of the many times we charge our phones.

Shouldn’t there be a limit to the number of groups one can be in? I have a friend who is in a staggering 12 Whatsapp groups and that, to me, is like being a member of 12 pre-wedding committees.

RIGHT GEO TAG

Back to being a fashionista; once you have found a hapless soul to torment by following you around and taking your photos, you will need to look for location.

You can live in the bowels of Kawangware, but you will need to take three busses to some leafy suburb so that your pictures can be on “fleek”.

Also, a good suburb is nice so that you don’t soil the clothes which cost more than your whole estate. If you are male, you are out of luck; how many times will you showcase a black trouser and yellow shirt and call it colour blocking?

Once you wear that blue short and some blazer your grandfather donated to the shamba boy, you are done for the year. Sorry male fashionistas, I have nothing for you.

Now, to be a socialite, you either need a rich father or a 79-year-old boyfriend and a camera. Oh, you will need a mastery of words like: “It’s my life,” and “Am I sleeping with you?”

There, go forth and harvest Likes and Follows like a quail farmer.