Two more Fridays to fulfill your resolutions

British director Sam Mendes unveils the new Bond car, an Aston Martin DB10, during an event to launch the 24th James Bond film "Spectre" at Pinewood Studios at Iver Heath in Buckinghamshire, west of London, on December 4, 2014. Yes, I would love to be driving an Aston Martin by December next year but I will probably be driving the same car. PHOTO | BEN STANSALL |

What you need to know:

  • You had promised your parents and yourself that you would be the first up in the morning and the last to sleep at night. Well, that never quite worked now, did it?
  • Others had vowed to make a million shillings. Unless you win one of the ongoing million-shilling competitions, I doubt that will happen but.
  • Can we make resolutions that we will not be broke in January? Yeah, right. It would be easier giving a lion a colonoscopy.

Remember all the goose bump-inducing promises you made to yourself on January 1, 2014? No? Of course you do. You were so teary-eyed when you made them because at the time, you really believed in that whole “New year, new me” musing.

The belief has nothing to do with self-worth, but the fact that you thought 12 months would take four years.

It is the same thing we used to do at the beginning of every school term; you would swear that you would do better in school, up your grades and astound your teachers.

You really believed in those promises, right up to the point where you got to school and met up with your crew.

You had promised your parents and yourself that you would be the first up in the morning and the last to sleep at night. Well, that never quite worked now, did it?

GOING INTO OVERDRIVE
The first morning you would tell yourself that there were many more mornings when you would be first up. As for sleeping, you started dozing off immediately after supper and told yourself that it was still early.

That went on until it was time for the final term or semester exams and you went into overdrive.

So, back to your “New year, new me” lie; it is at this moment that you realise it really is “Old year, old you”. You have two more Fridays to lose the 20 kilos you promised yourself. It is even harder now because you messed up and added six more.

I am sure if you start running immediately after you finish reading this article and don’t stop until December 31, it will happen.

Hey, don’t follow my orders, I am just trying to help. No, eating vegetables and fruits only from today will not work.

Also, do not fall for those “lose 20 kg in two days” adverts; there is a reason they are usually printed on dirty banners or badly created ads. If it was that easy, gyms would be dead.

FRIEND-ZONED?
Did you swear that you would have a girlfriend by the end of the year? Well, this is your chance.

You probably knew who you would want to date but were dumped in the friend zone faster than you could say date but guess what, you have enough time to climb out of that miserable pit and into her heart.

How do you that? If I had an answer to that, I would be a billionaire so good luck. But you can pester her until she gives in.

When she turns left, there you are with lines borrowed from Boyz II Men or Diamond. When she wakes up, flood her with smileys, wait, I have a feeling that is what got you in the friend zone in the first place so don’t mind me.

There are many more who had promised themselves to dump their “good- -for-nothing boyfriend” but guess who they will be spending Christ’s birthday with? I thought that would be easier, but what do I know.

NEW YEAR, NEW ME
Others had vowed to make a million shillings. Unless you win one of the ongoing million-shilling competitions, I doubt that will happen but.

Do not say I killed your enthusiasm so go ahead and try to make the 990,000 before the year ends. But whatever you do, do not steal; you will lose your life and that was not part of the “New year, new me” proposal.

I saw a post on which someone was reminding all the women who had vowed to get married by the end of the year that they have only two Saturdays to go.

Ladies, I know you love to plan but why do you always go for the impossible? I bet any lady who had that plan and shared it with her boyfriend was single by January 17.

You have been dating for nine years and you think the magic will happen in the tenth? Fat chance!

What I’m saying is that coming up with a resolution is not bad. On the contrary, I just believe that we should all be realistic.

Yes, I would love to be driving an Aston Martin by December next year but I will probably be driving the same car.

It is good to dream but remember, you have to wake up and work to make it a reality and this does not have a deadline.

Can we make resolutions that we will not be broke in January? Yeah, right. It would be easier giving a lion a colonoscopy.