Introduce surprise in your story

MCK Lewa Downs Primary School pupils enjoy the comfort of the bean bag cushions in the new library on March 27, 2015. PHOTO |PHOEBE OKALL

What you need to know:

  • Surprise occurs when the events that occur in a novel, play or short story go against our expectations thus creating a strong and unforgettable emotional impact.

  • Critics argue that a book should have two or three game-changing surprises because with too many major surprises, the reader would be emotionally exhausted and they won’t be shocking when overused.

It was a prohibitively cold January evening in braying Midtown Manhattan in New York City, the city of blinding lights. I was walking down Broadway Street with a lady acquaintance who was showing me the city.

The winter cold cut through the coat and gloves I had on, biting my fingers, leaving me in excruciating pain. We decided to take shelter at an ATM lobby.

Suddenly, we had a rather surprising and unanticipated encounter with a New Yorker, a middle-aged African-American lady with a ready smile and teasing wit. She jolted our evening. The lady pointedly addressed my acquaintance and startled her: “You have a very cute boyfriend!”

My acquaintance, a bit rattled, replied, “He is not my boyfriend. He is just a friend”.

“Just a friend?” Her voice rose, with a metallic ring to it. “He is cute,” she added, with a sly smile.

“He is just a friend. In fact, he is married,” she replied, probably blushing; I tried not to look at her face.

“Oh, I thought I’d be next,” the African-American lady said, curtly.

CHANCE COLLISIONS

I stood there sheepishly, shocked by the New Yorker who had been like a poet of the city and of disappointed love.

The unexpected nature of the encounter bewildered us. New York City, I later read, is filled with such chance collisions and random, quirky moments.

A good manuscript, like my unanticipated encounter that shook my evening, should have an element of surprise.

The writer should shock the reader. Sneak upon them when they least expect it. Make them think. Move them to tears. Leave them with mouths agape.

Surprise occurs when the events that occur in a novel, play or short story go against our expectations thus creating a strong and unforgettable emotional impact. As a critic once wrote, “The interplay between suspense and surprise is a prime source of the power of plot”.

ELEMENT OF SURPRISE

In Things Fall Apart, Chinua Achebe is devastatingly effective in using the element of surprise, especially in the 15-year-old character named Ikemefuna.

The boy is from the neighbouring clan of Mbaino and had been given as a sacrifice in exchange for a woman who had been killed in Okonkwo’s village.

He lives with Okonkwo’s family for three years, within which time Okonkwo feels growing affection and admiration for Ikemefuna. Ikemefuna also trusts Okonkwo as a father.

Then (surprise!) the elders decide that Ikemefuna had to be killed but they tell the boy that they are taking him home. The boy is very excited at the prospects of being reunited with his family. This was never to be.

Achebe writes that along the way, “One of the men behind him cleared his throat. Ikemefuna looked back, and the man growled at him to go on and not stand looking back. The way he said it sent cold fear down Ikemefuna’s back. His hands trembled vaguely on the black pot he carried".

Why had Okonkwo withdrawn to the rear? Ikemefuna felt his legs melting under him. And he was afraid to look back.

As the man who had cleared his throat drew up and raised his machete, Okonkwo looked away.

He heard the blow. The pot fell and broke in the sand.

UNFORGETTABLE SCENE

He heard Ikemefuna cry, "My father, they have killed me!’ as he ran towards him. Dazed with fear, Okonkwo drew his machete and cut him down. He was afraid of being thought weak”.

When Okonkwo, whom Ikemefuna looks up to as a father, lands that machete on him, to most readers, the emotional impact is so great that this could be one of the most unforgettable scenes in the book.

No one expected Okonkwo to kill Ikemefuna the element of surprise is almost overwhelming.

In the book, Achebe, like other great writers, uses only a few major surprises like this one.

Critics argue that a book should have two or three such game-changing surprises because with too many major surprises, the reader would be emotionally exhausted and they won’t be shocking when overused.

Also, too many major surprises feel unrealistic and the reader could feel "cheated".

However, the rest of the manuscript can have many minor surprises.

As a critic aptly said, “Surprise should be applied throughout your manuscript and to every part of your story: conflict, characters, setting, all of it!” 

The writer is the CEO of Phoenix Publishers. (johnmwazemba@ gmail.com)