Should I dump this man who has been cheating on me? 

I suggest that you clearly define what this man means to you. PHOTO | FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • I suggest that you clearly define what this man means to you.
  • If he is someone you just had children with, then get out and sort yourself out before you get in too deep and suffer further pain. After all, you are the one doing everything for the children.
  • But if you two live together on-and-off  or once  lived together and separated, then redefine what this relationship means.

Hello Kitoto,

I want to thank you for always giving people advice and hope when they really need it.

I am a 39-year-old and a single mother of three. I have been in a relationship with the 39-year-old father of two of my kids for seven years. My last born is six months old. We have never lived together; I live with my parents while  he lives alone.  I have met his whole family. He is an only son, with six sisters. He is the very stingy and just as irresponsible. He does not pay his kids’ educational  or medical bills. I do almost everything for the kids. All he does is take us for occasional outings and throw parties on the kids’ birthdays.

In June this year, we had an argument at my parents’ home during a meeting for my dad’s funeral and my sisters insulted him. He neither spoke to me thereafter nor attended my dad’s funeral. On September 25, he called me and requested me to let him pick up our second-born to spend time with her since it was her birthday. I refused since I was still mad at him.

Then, on September 27, he sent me photos of two birthday cakes, one for my daughter and the other  for his one-month old twins with another woman. The photos were taken in his house. He texted me that he wanted my daughter to meet her step-mum and step-siblings and also insulted me. I’m still hurting because he has been cheating on me.

What would you advise? Should I move on with my life with my babies or should I wait and see if he will come back?

Mumbi

 

Hi,

I’m sorry you lost me somewhere. The only clear thing  I  can get from your e-mail is that this man is the father of two of your children.

And although  you seem to think of him as your husband, you don’t live together, which I find strange.

In fact, you say  you live with your parents while he lives alone.

He doesn’t support you, and does not pay for the children’s education or give you  money for their upkeep. I really do not understand how you relate.

Did you at one time live together and then separate? If so, for how long did it last?

If you have never lived together but simply had  two children with him, I really don’t consider that a marriage.  Seven years is a long time for him to have been living by himself most of this time.

The fight and drama at your parents’ home was just a trigger for issues that were already simmering.

The fact that your sisters did not show him any respect just reveals how little they they think of him.

Were they just expressing what was already deep in your heart? In addition, for him to send you pictures of children he says he  fathered with another woman is a bit nasty.

I suggest that you clearly define what this man means to you.

If he is someone you just had children with, then get out and sort yourself out before you get in too deep and suffer further pain.

After all, you are the one doing everything for the children. But if you two live together on-and-off  or once  lived together and separated, then redefine what this relationship means.

From where I sit, I see chaos.

You have a life to put together and children to raise. I suggest you make this your priority as you ask yourself the most important question: What kind of a relationship do I have here?

May whatever  you choose to do bring you and your children peace, and also give you peace with God.  Do not let your life go down the drain.

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