KITOTO: Finding the right partner is tricky

I am a mature, loving Christian woman and occasionally outgoing but this has only led me to meet men who  are after sex. PHOTO| FILE

What you need to know:

  • Great relationships that value compatibility must invest in looking for attributes that increase the areas in which a couple agrees. Connecting you to this man might just add pain and disappointment. Great relationships that value compatibility must invest in looking for attributes that increase the areas in which a couple agrees.
  • Connecting you to this man might just add pain and disappointment.

Hi,

The query by Hakheem in your column of September 25 aroused my interest. It is sad because I am in a similar situation. I am 24 and have a career  but I have never been in a serious relationship.  I am a mature, loving Christian woman and occasionally outgoing but this has only led me to  meet men who  are after sex and while that is okay for them, I want stability, loyalty and a lasting relationship. Perhaps you can connect him with me because I feel as if we want the  exact same thing at this point in life. 

Marionjoy. 

 

Hi,

It is, indeed, sad that relationships have, for the most part, become very selfish. For some, sex, although a necessary part, is as all there is to a relationship. I guess that is why you feel disconnected from such men. Sex is an important and intimate part of a relationship but only brings respect and honour if embraced in marriage.

It is clear that you are battling with two issues. First, your values are in conflict with those who live a compromised life. I would encourage you to let your values guide you. What would be the point of compromising  and later regretting it when those who made you compromise move on with their lives.

Second, is the conflict of faith. It is important to know that, just because a man refuses to compromise in a particular area does not mean that he is good. Great relationships that value compatibility must invest in looking for attributes that increase the areas in which a couple agrees. Connecting you to this man might just add pain and disappointment. Compatibility must be a journey of discovery that each party takes individually over time.

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