KITOTO: Where are the girls for a very busy man?

I am a 25-year-old man. Career-wise, I am doing pretty well, but my work takes so much of my time that I do not have time to meet people. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • I hardly know people in Kenya outside my work. This is making it hard to get a girlfriend. I need one since pressure at work makes me feel that I need a woman by my side.
  • Two things are crucial: First, is the need for you to be sociable. This is the only way to meet new people, including a potential wife.
  • I think it is unfair to blame the ladies when you seem to be a partner in the said crime. Be patient, caring, and disciplined and you will find this lady. But be sure of what you are looking for.

Kitoto, I am a 25-year-old man. Career-wise, I am doing pretty well, but my work takes so much of my time that I do not have time to meet people. It doesn’t help that I am also a foreigner.

I hardly know people in Kenya outside my work. This is making it hard to get a girlfriend. I need one since pressure at work makes me feel that I need a woman by my side.

I love my job by the way. The problem is, since I don’t know many people in Kenya, I don’t know where to find a girlfriend. I haven’t been in my home country since 2008, so no chance there. I have tried online dating, but it’s all ended with us having sex on the first or second date. I have issues with women who are open to sex on the first date since I am looking for something serious. No offence to them, I just like my prospective girlfriend to make it hard for me.

Now, I don’t know where to look for that girl. I am an introvert and I enjoy being indoors having a beer or reading a book than being outside partying. Though I am successful financially, I feel like something is missing in my life and it’s a woman. What would you suggest I do?

Kind regards, Hakheem.

Hakheem, sex before marriage seems to top the agenda in most of the relationships. A lot of young people I have interacted with see this as a major driving force for young people desiring to be in a relationship.

This has made many end up hurt or stuck in relationships they never intended to be in the first place. As much as many know the consequences of early involvement in sex, the habit persists.

What, then, is the measure for knowing who is fit for you. How will you know your future wife? The fact that you have been in relationships before tells me that you are capable of finding someone. Two things are crucial: First, is the need for you to be sociable. This is the only way to meet new people, including a potential wife.

Second, there is need for you to demonstrate the kind of values that will be attractive to your future partner. Be clear, too, on the kind of values you are looking for. They say birds of a father flock together.

I think it is unfair to blame the ladies when you seem to be a partner in the said crime. Be patient, caring, and disciplined and you will find this lady. But be sure of what you are looking for.

*****

KITOTO BONUS

Investing in your partner should be a risk you are willing to take in order to achieve your long term goals of a healthy loving marriage. This calls for a commitment to a journey of courage and faith in the decisions you you make. Muhammad Ali couldn’t have put it any better: “He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.”

From asking each other out on your first date to walking down the aisle, it is all about taking a risk. Stock markets are among the most volatile investment options but at the same time, one can make great returns. If we are willing to take the greatest risk, it could become the avenue that gives us the greatest return. Relationships are not static, neither are they made of perfect people. That is why we may face ups and downs depending on the issues at stake. If we embrace an unhealthy and unproductive mindset, it erodes the self-esteem, reduces trust, and dries up the laughter. We should not just look to break even in our relationships’ some of us need to go beyond giving into the relationship the bare minimum.