Getting a woman worth marrying is akin to skinning a live hippo

Last week’s article elicited so much feedback, I felt the need to talk about the issues you highlighted.

If you missed the article, it centred around the disappointing dating experiences of single Kenyan women, their verdict being that there are few eligible bachelors in Nairobi.

Majority of the readers agreed that there was indeed a need to empower the boy child and balance the equation of gender disparity, after all, this boy will grow up to become a man, and the empowered girl he sets his eyes on will need a man that she can respect and relate with at the same level.

What I had not anticipated was the insights that came from the single men about their dating experience. While some of them agreed that indeed, there was a crop of men that were an embarrassment to the good men, they also said that finding a good eligible single woman in this city was, as Isaac put it; “akin to skinning a live hippo; dangerous and not worth it.”

He went on to say that even though times have changed, there are things that must never change when it comes to a wife.

“Good morals. We are bombarded with half-naked women everywhere we turn. It is like a body sale,” he wrote.

According to Nicholas, who says that he is very much single and eligible, the women in Nairobi will not give him a second glance because he does yet fit their profile of a boyfriend.

'Already made'

“The single girls are looking for men who are already made. Financially stable; meaning he must own a house, car, some serious investments like government bonds, land, a thriving business or admirable title in corporate Nairobi.”

He goes on to add that his business, which at least pays his bills, will take another 10-or-so years to afford him a house or car.

“I want to settle down with a hardworking, ambitious girl, but few of them will pay much attention to a man in a matatu.”

I also got very interesting feedback from a woman who notes;

“These girls are looking for married men. They don’t realise that you should see the potential in a man, marry him, then bring out the diamond in the rough. We married some of these men when they were in those dead-end jobs, but believed in them and supported them. Most single men don’t know the A-Z of dating etiquette so let it slide. We had to teach them!”

I agree with her on the diamond in the rough bit – the fact is that when you look at that refined married man, remember it has taken a woman to smoothen the rough edges, so expect the single man to come as an unfinished package.

Ken, who says that he is by all means eligible, had this to say; “The women I see around lack values. They think behaving badly means independence, freedom. There is nothing as off putting as a woman who does not carry herself with some level of decorum.” Ken went on to add that if he could find a well-mannered, mature, career woman who was not out to compete, but rather complement him, and who can also cook a delicious meal, he might consider getting married.

“Sadly, these single girls are selfish and immature. They want you to call them every hour, and if you don’t, they throw a tantrum.

Of what value is she in my life if I were to marry such a girl?”

It seems there are enough single, eligible men and women, basing their mistrust on previous bad experiences. What to do? Murage asked me this question, but I am yet to figure out the answer.