JUST BRENDA: I’m confused about the child she’s carrying

Hi,

I’m 22 and my girlfriend of over one year is the same age. The problem is that she is full of drama.

Every time we disagree, she calls me names, threatens to leave (she actually left, once) and blocks all communication channels.

She will always have a rebound relationship during this time but she always come back after we talk it out and I would always forgive her, sometimes accepting the blame just to get her back.

The problem is that with her drama and the breakups came promiscuity (from her) and eventually, I could not take it anymore and broke up with her.

I stopped any form of communication with her but two months down the line, she has a conspicuous baby bump.

We actually had sex like two months ago, just before the final break up and over six months ago which was safe and still well protected.

She called me to inform me that she is expecting a child with me.

I asked her to go through a test to ascertain her claims that the kid she is expecting is mine but she just called me names and refused to do it.

I am not ready to take her back but I would not like to give up my kid.

Her ultimatum is that she comes as a package with the child, but I know I would regret taking her back in future.

I’m so confused because I think she is fixing me on one hand, and that I may be wrong and could be giving up my biological child on the other hand.

Both our parents knew of our relationship and I’m scared of being called a deadbeat dad if I refuse to take responsibility.

Your ex is fond of drama and you have good reason to believe that she is lying now. I don't think I am telling you anything that your gut isn't telling you.

You can't be sure the baby is yours, which is why you asked her if she is sure about it. The truth will come to pass. If the baby is yours, then a test after the baby is born (because that is the only time you can do such tests) will be no big deal.

This lady has been treating you terribly thus far, considering her methods of reconciliation (finding another man) and the threats of what will happen if you do not accept the child.

And since she has been treating you so terribly, there is no reason to believe that she is not still doing so. It doesn't matter what parents think – you're going to the one living a lie, not them. Give it some time and see what happens.

If you are helping her out, do it out of the kindness of your heart as opposed to being the father of the baby, because you do not know whether that baby is yours for sure.

And learn from your mistakes – don't stay there to be treated like a shoe. Look into the legal options of her threats and whether she can actually make sure you do not see your own child – if the child is yours. And, stop going back!

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