Of women with PhDs; the debate rages on

After the publication of Is this PhD a curse or a blessing? I received quite a number of provocative and witty e-mail responses. I put on my qualitative research hat and I enjoyed correlating the patterns in the data you relayed.

Crucial discussion

From the analysis of the responses, the older men of 40 and above perceived that there is a need to address the denigration of the boy child. Some graduate men from that age group felt learned women rejected them so they settled for lesser educated women. However, there are also a good number who reported that they met their wives during their first degrees and are happily married with children. Other much younger men felt my article was a reminder that men rule the world and will continue to do so.

In contrast, many of the older women of 40 and above took the time to share their heartfelt disappointment that an educated and very privileged young woman would dare question the value of a PhD education. They considered worries about fertility windows and marriage as trivial pursuits that have nothing to do with their purpose in life.

They also felt I degraded them by opining that women should complement men. I certainly opened a Pandora’s box when I critiqued the evolving gender roles and the comments I received reinforce why the article was necessary in the first place.

Plain truth

Younger women of 21- 25 appreciated that I spelled out the plain truth they are shielded from. One admitted that the desire for a family or children is often shooed away and promptly replaced with “We can’t wait to call you professor young lady.” The younger women are aware that they have unprecedented opportunities and can achieve great academic and career success but would appreciate information on how to strike a healthy balance between that and the desire for a family. As for the dejected women who felt that I put the girl child down, please note there is no line or sentence in my article that suggested women should not pursue higher education. In fact, they should feel free to go beyond the PhD and pursue the post doctorate fellowship.

For those women who felt I betrayed the sisterhood by presenting a messy social side of the PhD process, let me share a common first year research teaching: Personal experience, knowledge and information are not always generalisable across contexts. My observations of PhD social life will differ from those of another person. Especially those who argued passionately that they are determined to remain single and childless. Power to you, soldier on! I also discovered that in Kenyan society, pressing socio-cultural matters are only debated when some of us decide to be the skunk in the room and tackle taboo subjects.

Can women have it all?

In order to create the socio-cultural progress many of you requested, there is a need for honest africanised debate on issues such as “Why women still can’t have it all.” An article with that title was penned by 57-year-old Prof Anne-Marie Slaughter, a former director of policy planning for the US State Department and one-time dean of Princeton University’s Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs.

The controversial piece summarises her challenging experience of balancing work and home. She was inspired by the many twenty-somethings who wanted to know what it was really like for a high power woman to balance a career and a stable home. As she contemplated writing the article, she shared her views with equally successful colleagues who widely discouraged her and told her she would send a horrible message to younger generations. She was eventually considered a sisterhood betrayer because she expressed vulnerability as to how difficult it was to occupy a high power office as a woman and parent a struggling teenage son.

Save for the late beloved Prof Wangari Maathai’s candid reflection on her marriage and children in her 2006 biography Unbowed, such writing is rare in the African context and would be much appreciated. In a subsequent 2011 drum magazine interview, Maathai emphasises that women do not have the same biological clock as men and must plan for relational success: Family first then career. Like Slaughter, she was sceptical that women can have it all. She argued that not all women will enjoy that privilege.

Unhealthy competition

I apologise to the educators who feel that questioning the very essence of the mighty school degree is unfathomable. However, I remind you that the goal of a good education is to debate, critique and improve. I appreciate the gender experts who sent me chapters of very useful gender theory. I will stick to communication studies and no thank you, I am not interested in adopting a milder form of feminism. I strongly encourage you to provide forums to debate the gender tension that I perceived between men and women in my feedback.

There is a sense in which there is an unhealthy competitive spirit between the two sexes with no winner in sight. Could it be that many women are still in communal contexts that deem them as inferior and almost non-existent? As for the men, could it be that the avid championing of women and girl child rights whilst men are painted as oppressors has left them bitter and angry?

From your e-mails and comments, there is a possibility it is the case. Some women could simply not fathom how an educated woman dare suggest they pay attention to the home or family. This is because it implies that they must submit to the whims of a man they would rather not trust when education is supposed to liberate them from all constraints in life.

As for some men, they felt that women are the eventual losers who must succumb to them. The reality is that for our society to function in a balanced way, we must all be winners.

Stronger together

Once again, I recommend that we celebrate each other’s strengths and acknowledge that we also have some weaknesses that can be complemented. That is precisely why we live in a diverse society where people have different skill sets.

Women, please note that complementing does not mean swallowing yourself up so that you can be at the indiscriminate mercy of men. I encourage you to be uniquely you , “do you” and "find yourself" as we say in urban Kenya.

However, let’s not throw swords at the women who honestly admit that they desire a husband and children as they travel the long road of high educational and career achievement. Men, let’s be considerate and realise that women deserve respect and encouragement because many are still healing from the effects of egotism, chauvinism and abuse.

We all need each other and we need to respect each other.

The writer is a PhD candidate at the University of Leicester's Media and Communication Department.