My father made me promise I would lay my diploma on his grave

The portrait of the late Obiero Fredrick Arika. On the right is his daughter Sharon. He died two weeks before Father's Day. PHOTO| DENNIS ONSONGO

What you need to know:

  • Father’s Day would always find my father and me in the house, a simple day where we would make fun of each other, and how we are ‘aging’.
  • Then I would bake a cake for him. But I so much wanted this father’s day to be different.
  • I wanted to give my father something that he would remember.

My father died a two weeks before we could celebrate Father’s Day.

If only death knew the plans I had for him, then perhaps it would have waited for me to celebrate him just one more time.

I shared this story days before his burial because I wanted the world to know that I had lost my light.

My name is Sharon Awuor Obiero and my father, Obiero Frederick Arika, had huge dreams for me. I also dreamt big for him. I visualised myself earning a good education, embracing success in life and taking my father out of where we live in Uhuru Estate in Nairobi and buying him a house in the suburbs.

I desperately wanted my father to taste the good life.  He had sacrificed a lot in his life for our comfort – I saw him sell clothes and his cattle so that he can pay for my education and keep me in school. I so much wanted to give back in a big way.

BIG DREAMS

My father had big dreams for me. First, he wanted to see me graduate with a diploma in international relations and diplomacy and later enroll for a degree course. He always spoke of my graduation, and this will be such a painful memory for me. His death was untimely, and he has just gone like that when we still had unfinished business. It is sad for such a man who had given me his all, his entire being.

You see, my father was diabetic. He has been taken medication for the condition ever since I was born. In 2011, he was admitted and was very ill as the diabetes presented itself with high blood pressure. I was sitting for my Kenya Certificate of Secondary Examinations (KCSE). I went to see him in hospital and I could hardly recognise him. His skin colour had changed.. This is the second most painful memory for me besides his death.

BEGAN TALKING ABOUT DEATH

He was very sickly, his kidneys were failing and he had to undergo dialysis for several weeks. Then he recovered. But since then, his health never improved. In early 2017, he started losing weight. He had become aloof and was not talking too much with other people. But he began to talk to me about his death, about God and about us, his family. He said that he wanted to see us his children established with a firm foundation in life, good jobs and not continue suffering. He also kept insisting to me that if he passes away before I graduate in 2019, I should take a copy of my diploma certificate and place it on top of his grave. "This will be the greatest achievement that you will have given me.” Little did I know that his death will happen that soon.  

Father’s Day would always find my father and me in the house, a simple day where we would make fun of each other, and how we are ‘aging’. Then I would bake a cake for him. But I so much wanted this father’s day to be different. I wanted to give my father something that he would remember. I just wanted to tell him: “Look here, Dad I love you. You came through for me when no one else ever bothered. You have sacrificed everything for me. I just want to say thank you. Even though you are strict and stubborn, I would not change you for anyone else. You are my daddy.”

DAY STARTED WELL

But now these lovely words are clouded with deep anger and resentment. That death is cruel and snatches the best from within our midst. That Friday morning on June 2, the cruel hand of death waited for me to leave for school and then snatched away my father. The day started well. We had breakfast and our usual hearty chat. Then my father escorted me to the bus stop. I was going to sit my examinations. Then he gave me some money for fare and lunch, and said good bye. That was his final bow. I was later to learn that he had collapsed in the house and rushed to the hospital where he died. It was that sudden. I hope that he is smiling wherever he is. I have not accepted his death. But what might make me accept the loss is the fact that I have seen him suffer, having to take medication every day. We have just cleared three paper bags full of medicine from his closet. His pain is now gone, and he is at peace with God.

I am now left with memories that I treasure. In April 2015, when I was graduating with a certificate in hospitality at an NGO in Buru Buru, I had invited the entire family, but my father was just the one that I was waiting for. Immediately I saw him, my spirit lit up. He was wearing a red-coloured shirt, a blue trouser and a blue jumper. After the graduation ceremony, we had a small party at home in Uhuru estate. Then he urged me to go for a diploma course.

GREAT LIFE LESSONS

My father has taught me great life lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. He has taught me that education is the only thing that will help me in this life. He emphasised on family unity and peace. This has pushed us, his seven children to have a close relationship with one another. Hardly does a day pass without us talking to one another on phone just to find out how we are faring.

He taught us the value of hard work and has pushed us to achieve our full potential. He has always advised me that I should work hard, make my own money to achieve financial independence and secure my future. He believed that girls have to be empowered to and instilled in me, resilience.

Growing up, my father was a very strict person, but even with this, we were fairly close. He was a mentor who instilled confidence in me. He would easily notice any uncomfortable situations in me and he would encourage me. I am happier today because my dad saw my potential and he pushed me to actualise it. I looked up to him and he used to mentor me.

BOND GREW STRONGER

This bond grew stronger as I got into my teens. He was the person that I would freely talk to on any topic under the sun, from boy-girl relationships to general life issues. He was so close to me that he never missed any school visiting day. He would come all the way, my mother by his side and with little pleasantries for me and I treasured every moment that we had together.

Well, my father was the friendliest person that I knew, though not so many people knew this side of him. I could talk to him about any topic under the sun and whenever I needed guidance, he would give me advice out of this world. Most of them knew him as very strict. Of course he condemned bad deeds, but also took pleasure in those that were exercising personal discipline. He upheld honesty as a value.

Even in his death, my father is my mentor, my hero and my free spirit. A great mentor, he kept me on track and this has turned me into the person that I am today. He was that easy going person who would make one feel comfortable.

This Father’s Day will be such a gloomy day for me. I will be burying my father. Though his physical form is gone, his spirit is still alive in me. My mother Rosemary Akoth and my three sisters and four brothers will surely miss him. Rest in Peace Obiero Frederick Arika, only God can fill in your shoes. I continue to accomplish our unfinished business. Our dreams. Our hopes. Our future.

As narrated to MILLICENT MWOLOLO