JUST BRENDA: I can’t bear to think I may not be my daughter’s father

Tuesday May 9 2017

I have not asked her anything because I fear

I have not asked her anything because I fear the worst. Since she has not brought it up, can I act like nothing happened and continue growing my family? I love the two of them very much. PHOTO| FILE 

By JUST BRENDA
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Hello Just Brenda,

I am a 30-year-old man. I was dating this woman four years ago when she fell pregnant. I wanted to do the right thing, so I asked her to move in with me and she did. She had a beautiful baby girl three years ago. I have been a loving father. I thought everything was okay and that we were fine but I was very shocked when I found out a month ago that my wife had taken another man for a paternity test for our daughter! It was devastating. I have not asked her anything because I fear the worst. Since she has not brought it up, can I act like nothing happened and continue growing my family? I love the two of them very much.

Now, I have some good news and some very bad news for you. The bad news is that you have been played and you are currently being taken advantage of. I say this because from your story, it is clear that the woman you call your wife deceived you into believing that the child in question was yours even when she knew there was a high chance that somebody else was the biological father.

It’s very sweet that you love her, but love, unfortunately, is not enough to fuel a relationship. Especially not like this one that was founded on lies and deception. Snap out of it, start using your head and not your heart. Is this woman with you because she loves you or because you are easy to manipulate and lie to?

Finally, to put your mind at rest, you need to establish the little girl’s paternity. If she is yours, well, a real man looks after his own. If she isn’t, she is still the innocent party and you will need to decide how or if to break the news to her that the only man she has called daddy for three years is, in fact, not her biological father. Either way, you need to re-evaluate your relationship.